Fast Track American Dream

February 17, 2009
By

Here’s how it used to work.

You come to the US on a work permit (most often the H1B visa). You work for a few years and find an employer willing to file for your green card, which sorta makes you less of a bonded laborer. Once you get the green card and have been living in the country for about 10-12 years you could hope to get citizenship, which makes you superman. You still remain a FOB though.

This was is the path millions have aspired to take. Some got there, some got laid off en route, some took more time, and some took less. But this is how it has been.

Not any more.

Here’s a new fast track path towards becoming superman citizen. Join the US military and serve in the ongoing wars. If you came back on your feet, you will be a proud American citizen. The US military is going to allow immigrant workers to join the military, following which they could get citizenship in as less as six months.

In a far reaching proposal, the US military will open its doors to skilled immigrant guest workers (such as those who hold H-1B visas) who have lived in the US for a minimum of two years. [link]

So friends, go for it. This is a once in a lifetime offer. After all, you have just a one life to gamble away.

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13 Responses to “ Fast Track American Dream ”

  1. Dinesh on February 17, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    This is definitely a WTF news !!!

  2. gauri on February 17, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Yeah I had read about this. Allow them indeed…agree with Dinesh, WTF!

    g

  3. Solilo on February 17, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    Heard about it yesterday and felt sad for Americans. They serve Army and still don’t get any perks.

    BTW FOBs produce ABCDs so some sort of stereotyping always remains. It is mostly in the mind of Indians. I don’t think anyone cares.

  4. amreekandesi on February 17, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    @Dinesh and @Gauri - WTF was exactly my reaction when i saw this!

    @Solilo - I feel sad for Americans, or anybody else for that matter, dying in a senseless war.
    But dangling the citizenship carrot to lure hapless immigrants to a war that Americans dont want to fight reeks of hypocrisy.

    Talking of FOBs, i recall reading some article about Vikram Pandit and how his Indian accent still lingers on despite his having lived for so many years in the US, which apparently is a bad thing.

    My point was this - you may live in this country and become a citizen, but eventually people will point to your accent and shout ‘Apu’. Which keeps me awake at night some times.

  5. Poonam on February 18, 2009 at 1:42 am

    This has been subject of debate all around Web. Now yuppies need others to fight for their country. :x :(

  6. Chirag on February 18, 2009 at 4:28 am

    WTF, man, this is disturbing and entertaining at the same time. But metaphorically speaking its the same except the blood shed and carnage. Few of the smartest folks were leaving of US and then competing with the average folks in developing economy so nothing much changed. Now wars are being outsourced.

  7. vijay on February 18, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    Twisted logic really…
    @Chiraq….Outsourcing wars … LOL

  8. amreekandesi on February 20, 2009 at 12:15 am

    @Poonam, @Chirag and @Vijay - Yes it is funny that now they are looking at outsourcing war when there is such a big movement against the outsourcing phenomenon and immigration!

  9. amreekandesi on February 20, 2009 at 1:21 am

    Here’s some further details i got from a reader who got this email via a job site:

    The U.S. Army is authorized to recruit certain legal aliens whose skills are considered to be vital to national interest. Those holding critical skills such as physicians, nurses, and certain experts in language with associated cultural back rounds would be eligible. If you are in the process of trying to earn your green card or citizenship this may be the opportunity you have been waiting for!

    BENEFITS FOR YOU

    - GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO EARN YOUR CITIZENSHIP
    - RECEIVE UP TO 65,000 TO PAY BACK OLD STUDENT LOANS
    - Tuition Assistance, Up to $4,500 Per Year
    - ENLISTMENT BONUS UP TO $40,000
    - Up to $81,000 for school from the Army College Fund and GI Bill
    - 30 Days of Paid Vacation per Year and Full Medical and Dental Care
    - Job Opportunities in several exciting career fields such as Computers, Medical, Mechanics, Finance, Engineering and More!
    - Travel, Excitement and Challenging Experiences You Won’t Find Elsewhere

    Eligibility

    - Applicant must be ASYLEE, REFUGEE, TEMPORARY PROTECTED STATUS or NON-IMMIGRANT CATEGORIES E, F, H, I, J, K, L, M, O, P, Q, R, S, T, TC, TD, TN, U, V
    - Applicant must have been in valid status in 1 or more of the categories listed above for the previous 2 years
    - Applicant must not have left the United States for more than 90 days consecutively during the previous 2 years

    *Health Care Professionals
    • Applicants must fill medical specialties where the service has a shortfall
    • Applicants must meet all qualification criteria required for their medical specialty, and the
    criteria for foreign-trained DoD medical personnel recruited under other authorities
    • Applicants must demonstrate proficiency in English
    • Applicants must commit to at least 3 years of active duty, or six years in the Selected Reserve

    *Enlisted Individuals with Special Language and Culture Backgrounds
    • Applicants must possess specific language and culture capabilities in a language critical to DoD
    • Applicants must demonstrate a language proficiency
    • Applicants must meet all existing enlistment eligibility criteria
    • Applicants must enlist for at least 4 years of active duty
    (Services may add additional requirements)

    Languages Accepted
    - ALBANIAN
    - AMHARIC
    - ARABIC
    - AZERBAIJANI
    - BENGALI
    - BURMESE
    - CAMBONDIAN-KHMER
    - CHINESE
    - CZECH
    - HAUSA
    - HINDI
    - HUNGARIAN
    - IGBO
    - INDONESIAN
    - KOREAN
    - KURDISH
    - LAO
    - MALAY
    - MALAYALAM
    - MORO
    - NEPALESE
    - PERSIAN (DARI AND FARSI)
    - POLISH
    - PUNJABI
    - PUSHTU (AKA PASHTO)
    - RUSSIAN
    - SINDHI
    - SINHALESE
    - SOMALI
    - SWAHILI
    - TAMIL
    - TURKISH
    - TURKMEN
    - URDU
    - YORUBA

  10. Uncle B on July 25, 2009 at 8:25 am

    Short on manpower for getting at Turkmenistan Oil? Tired of seeing American GI’s returning in coffins? Running out of native born suckers? Blacks wising up, going to school instead of enlisting? Pot sales in California cutting recruitment? Arlo Guthrey still singing rebel anti- war shit? Young American-born still listening? Need that goddamn oil worse than ever? - Drive a Hummer! Don’t Worry! Build a McMansion, Earth-ship survival is for nerds! Put a ‘Vette in your driveway and a new improved Escalade! We will bribe, foreigners with citizenship, send them to Afghanistan as cannon fodder, no flak-jackets, just like our boys and girls, and sit comfortably back in the U.S.A. building tanks, planes, choppers, and Hummers for the saps to destroy, and collect our old age pensions on their backs! The few that survive will have color, accents, and look”Foreign” so we will treat them like some of our own GI’s - disenfranchised street-people, no medical care, no social rights no chances, no property, no connections, no paychecks - no problem! Meanwhile, the dividend collectors in their walled, fenced villages can survive in glorious comfort unharmed by the big cities’ growing slum of unemployable vets, and Chinese stock dividends will flow due to subcontracting and off-shoring to make up for any small bumps on the road! Oh! to be an Uber-Rich Yankee Doodle, and fool everyone all the time and get away with it with impunity! How clever they must be!

  11. Rebecca on November 2, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    As an American I feel ashamed through and through.

  12. all american on November 13, 2009 at 12:57 am

    hmm food for thought …

  13. Grace on December 27, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    Dance mambo in 2011 : ]

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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