The Ticket to Fame

March 24, 2009

My name is Abhay Kumar Singh. I just lost in my quest for a ticket to contest the Lok Sabha elections.

This is my story.

I was born with no silver spoon in my mouth. Or anywhere in the house, for that matter. My father used to work for the postal department. For years i saw him languish as a government employee. The job was secure, but on his salary there was barely enough to go by. Life was hard, but we managed. I grew up resenting the system that made life so difficult for us common people.

In college i became active in student politics. I rose to become the student union president and had a fruitful tenure. Dharnas. Strikes. We got whatever we wanted from the administration. Following my graduation i became a full time politician. For the next ten years i  worked tirelessly for my party. I have organized rallies. I have collected funds. I was the one responsible for providing villagers by the busloads to beef up campaign rallies during the last elections. I know my area like the back of my hand. I can raise an army of supporters in a jiffy.

Having served my dues, this time around i believed it was my turn to become a member of Parliament (M.P.).

I approached the state leadership with my request for the party ticket. Mr state president duely gave his blessing. As it turned out he ‘blessed’  ten others. One of them was my protege, Dalbir. That boy didn’t know what hit him next. Or how many times.

I was down to nine competitors.

A huge win came my way when i got the endorsement of the sitting M.P. That was a big morale booster. I thought nothing could stop me from getting the ticket now. I was in the list of the three finalists sent to the party headquarters.

I went to Delhi with some of my supporters. All five hundred of them. Insider tip: A show of strength always helps. The more people you take with you, the better your chances. If you dont get the ticket eventually, these supporters can help launch a protest. You know, burn a few buses, shout some slogans, do your own little satya-what-was-it? Satyagram? Oops..Satyagraha. So we land in Delhi and i pay a visit to party head office. Boy, it was crazy there.

It wasnt going to be easy getting the ticket. My remaining competitors were Ajitpal and Sukhdev. Ajitpal was a sitting MLA with old roots in the party. Sukhdev owned a village. Quite literally. He had the money, which always helps in an election. I was younger than both of them. I had the energy. I had a lot of support among the youth. For what it is worth, i was the best educated of the lot. I probably had the best chance of getting elected.

Over at the party office, a little bird told me that if i needed the ticket, i had to pay.

The price for the ticket. Rs 25 lakhs. That’s twenty five followed by five zeros. Five. Which is the number of people with grazed knees after i had wrestled said bird into the ground. Including me.

Have you ever had that feeling where you were trying to pee next to a wall, and a bull comes charging at you. The feeling of having the ground pulled from under you, because you just jumped into a nearby well to save yourself?

That’s how i felt. There was no way i could muster that sort of money. Sukhdev bought his way into the Parliament and here i am, writing my memoirs for this blog.

At least i am not in danger of getting shot by the rival party. Ah…the silver lining.

Disclaimer: All names in this story are as much a figment of my imagination as my pursuit of a seat in the hallowed chambers of the Parliament turned out to be.

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32 Responses to “ The Ticket to Fame ”

  1. saachi on March 24, 2009 at 11:25 pm

    Good writing.
    Its very sad that able candidates neither have money to contest nor have the essential qualifications like jail visits etc.

    The thing is though that some may start off as a good workers but by the time they manage to reach the top, their hands get so dirty that they become just another murky politician.

    Sometimes I think that we need another foreign invasion to unite and work towards betterment of the country.

  2. ruSh.Me on March 25, 2009 at 1:03 am

    you should have seen Gulaal… Inspired from that you could have befriended the Party head’s wife/daughter/mistress, and used her/them to pave your way into party head’s head and/or heart!! Believe me, the most tried, tested and efficient way… At least you would be having plenty of female attention all this while….!!!

  3. The Quirky Indian on March 25, 2009 at 1:04 am

    Abhay Kumar Singh sounds like a decent politician, but he’s not qualified enough. Some more murders, some more assaults, a couple of rapes……and he should get the ticket the next time. From any party.


    Quirky Indian

  4. ruSh.Me on March 25, 2009 at 1:05 am

    Oh!! You got the gmail delayed system in place….!! good good… But I think 10 minute delays is too much!!!

  5. amreekandesi on March 25, 2009 at 1:45 am

    @Saachi – Thanks. It is true that to get ahead in the dirty political game you invariably end up becoming one of them. And i agree with you in feeling that democracy isn’t working out very well for India. Maybe it is indeed time for a new form of government.

    @rush.Me – Good ideas, all of those. I am sure many of Abhay’s peers are busy implementing them these days in their quest for power.

    I am not sure what the gmail delayed system is, but i added this feature where you can edit your comments for upto 10 minutes. It can come in handy… i know i have written comments that had some formatting problems or some other issue, and wished i could go in and edit the comment!

    @QI – Yea..i guess those are mandatory qualifications for this job.

  6. ruSh.Me on March 25, 2009 at 1:50 am

    Oh!! May be I should word it better…Undo Send in Gmail

    Sigh! Technology maketh us its slave!!!

  7. Philip on March 25, 2009 at 1:56 am

    25 lakhs is pretty cheap. Today its in crores. The PRP party started by the telugu movie actor, Chiranjeevi asks you to put up at least 2 crores on the table before you even dream of a PRP ticket. Now you know why he left movies to get into politics?

    At the most he commands 4-5 crores per movie. Just 6 months into announcing his political entry, Chiranjeevi and his family has raked in more than 1000 crores. Now beat that.

    No wonder, Abhay Singh, Govinda, Nagma etc want to enter politics.

  8. amreekandesi on March 25, 2009 at 1:59 am

    @rush.Me – :)

    It does. But i think it also makes our lives a little easier…there’s a whole complex dichotomy going there!

  9. amreekandesi on March 25, 2009 at 2:01 am

    @Philip – Wow! Those are astounding numbers…i guess Abhay had it easy!

  10. Akhilesh on March 25, 2009 at 3:12 am

    Good god, had you ever been in India you would know that bull charges every time for no apparent reason. Election or no election.

  11. Poonam on March 25, 2009 at 3:36 am

    This was a good story. Everything is apt – starting from the name chosen.

    Have you watched Gulaal?

  12. Chirag on March 25, 2009 at 9:47 am

    AD, Abhay Kumar Singh Saga, should have a sequel :) this is as you said and I quote

    Irony, thy name is India!

  13. Chirag on March 25, 2009 at 9:48 am

    @Poonam Why are you promoting Gulaal ??? ;)

  14. amreekandesi on March 25, 2009 at 10:13 am

    @Akhilesh – Welcome to Amreekandesi! I guess you have some special quality that attracts the bulls to you!

    @Poonam – Thanks. I havent seen Gulal, but have heard good things about it…will try watching it sometime.

    @Chirag – Sure. Abhay Kumar might be down for now, but he certainly isnt down ;) The elections arent over yet. We could see him again!

  15. mysoul on March 25, 2009 at 11:12 am

    You got it right, now extend this to seats in all kinds of colleges, government jobs, PSU’s etc.. who you know and how much money you have has always mattered, More so in the Land from which emerged concepts like Satyagraha(I wonder if we understand its derivation and meaning) and people like Bahubali, Buddha and Mahaveer… Irony?

  16. Election Ticket at Blogbharti on March 25, 2009 at 11:26 am

    […] writes fictional story about a candidate tryng to a ticket for contesting elections. I went to Delhi with some of my supporters. All five hundred of them. Insider […]

  17. Indyeah on March 25, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    I agree with QI
    Abhay is underqualified by today’s standards :D

  18. dolphin on March 25, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    interesting read!

  19. vimmuuu on March 25, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    25 lakhs??? No wonder all those politicians end up corrupted !!!

  20. Solilo on March 25, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Abhay Kumar needs to come back to us with some attempted rape cases, underworld connections, corruption at least a court case which is still going on or hurt an extinct species. What does he think of us? We don’t vote for aira-gairas. We need controversial souls.

    Oh yes! glad that Abhay Kumar isn’t a woman. Because we don’t like educated, smart women. We call them names.

  21. gauri on March 25, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    Nicely done, AD!

  22. amreekandesi on March 26, 2009 at 12:37 am

    @Mysoul – Unfortunately, that is how things are. Everything is for sale in today’s India. Budhha, Mahaveer, Gandhi are all mere chapters in history books.

    Irony – of course!

    @Indyeah – Yea i guess so ;)

    @Dolphin – Welcome to Amreekandesi!

    @Vimmuuu – :)

    @Solilo – Come on, you have such high expectations. What’s a poor politician got to do to get some junta support!?

    I see some anguish there on the women issue…who called educated, smart women names? We can have Abhay Kumar do something there ;)

    @Gauri – Thanks!

  23. ruSh.Me on March 26, 2009 at 12:44 am

    who called educated, smart women names?

    I have spend enough of my energy here, commenting and defending educated and independent Indian Women; so would just prop you the link.. you can see for yourself..!!

  24. Dev on March 26, 2009 at 2:21 am

    Hey…this is good.
    Your ‘fiction’ does bring out the ‘reality’ in Indian poiltics.
    May be one day, the cost of buying a ticket shall come down to Zero bucks.
    Then we all can try our hands (oops!! brains )in politics ;-)

  25. rahul on March 26, 2009 at 3:35 am

    Maybe Abhay should try this time, with the recession and low inflation he might get a bargain :P

  26. amit on March 26, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    Its like doing MBA. If you wan’t to tuck in huge amount of money in your pocket later, you have to shell out some now. :)

  27. Shivya on March 27, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    You paint quite a picture. I have a feeling this is inspired, is it? After reading the comments, I’m itching to watch Gulaal.

  28. future mantra on March 29, 2009 at 3:38 pm

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  29. amreekandesi on March 30, 2009 at 12:43 am

    @Dev – Thanks. Amen to that!

    @Rahul – Good point!

    @Amit – I like that analogy.

    @Shivya – Thanks. The inspiration were several news reports such as this one i have seen over the past few weeks. I haven’t seen Gulal yet.

  30. Erik on April 15, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Interesting sharing and good points!

  31. raza on March 22, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    us desh ka aaqir kya hoga
    jis desh ke muhafiz (leader) ho aise
    har daal pe ullu baithe hai
    anjaame (result) gulista (country) kya hoga

  32. Umgdydfl on May 7, 2012 at 6:19 am

    When can you start? modells 16 years pretty f’n hot..she’s kinda quiet though. Wonder if they were in mommas house :-P haha. usually alot louder in vids like this. Still freakin hot!

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