AmreekanDesi

I had always heard of the rush associated with the killing of wild animals, aka Hunting. I am happy to inform my dear readers that i have been experiencing the said rush these days thanks to a new found passion.

I have blood on my hands. Well, not right now. Not as i type. Wouldn’t want to stain the keyboard. Anyway, it isn’t even just blood. There’s some other gory stuff as well.

For those of you who have watched (and enjoyed, i daresay) the spectacle of that Discovery show called Man vs Wild where this brave guy catches fish with the bare hands and rips their head off for the protein, i have been doing some bare handed killing myself.

The best part is that the more i kill, the more there seem to be. Its like the akshay patra of Mahabharata, the bowl that was always full of food. Somewhere in China, maybe they fry and eat these beings but i dont think i am quite yet ready to eat a mosquito pakora.

(Swatted one just now as i stopped for a breath in between paras, Obama style. I got the sucker.)

Nothing beats the joy of finding a lonely fat (it’s most likely my blood in there) machchar, and swooping in for the kill like a vulture diving to pick up a rat from the ground. It’s not easy, and the amateurs will likely have a low success rate. It’ll take some practice before you can reach fire and forget levels of surety.

We all grew up reading stories of Tiger hunts organized for lazy Maharajahs or visiting foreign dignitaries (read gora ruler). For the similarly lazy souls who want to enjoy the thrill but don’t want to endure the grind of the mosquito hunt, there’s a way out. It’s sold by the name of Hit. Yes, that magical chemical that you spray all over and the mosquitoes either die or go into a coma. You just go into the room and crush the nasty critters under your lakhani hawai chappal. Also, hold your nose lest the hunter become the hunted. The room is still under the Hit influence.

For the voyeuristically oriented, try a mosquito net. Get a few machchars trapped in the net, and then play with them a bit before unleashing the hawai chappal on the hapless assoles. Me, my snore motor doesn’t even start unless i have at least half a dozen splatters on the hands.

If New York had its cockroaches, Delhi sure has its army of mosquitoes. (Not to say that there’s no cockroaches here.)

There may be a handful Tiger reserves in India, but Delhi has 47,000 Mosquito hideouts. And nothing about the numbers is reserved. You can hunt as much as you please.

PETA people, to be frank i give a rat mosquito’s ass. I may have single handledly halved the mosquito growth rate, but it’s all in self defense. I have lost so much sleep scratching away that i actually find myself missing coffee these days.

Damn, i see a little gang coming this way. Time to set up sniper camp.

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