The 15 Commandments of Twitter

March 5, 2011
By

1. Thou shall never claim in public that you care about your follower count.

2. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s followers.

3. Thou shall not post provocative DPs. Let’s keep it G rated.

4. Thou shall never add thyself to thy lists. That’s just plain cheap.

5. Thou shall not plug a blog post more than 28 times, beyond which it becomes annoying.

6. Thou shall prefix ‘The‘ to thy Twitter handle only if thou has done something truly meaningful in life. Like winning Bigg Brother.

7. Thou shall keep a part of your tweets dedicated to retweeting others.

8. However retarded a celeb may be, thou shall not constantly remind them of their overpaid, under-realized, meaningless existence. Once a week is frequent enough.

9. Thou shall not use xoxo in your tweets. Not unless you are Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton.

10. Thou shall not check your follower count more than 50 times in a day. Also see point 1.

11. Thou shall always participate in random trending topics, howsoever irrelevant they may be.

12. Thou shall not cast any racist jokes. Especially against Chinese people, Muslims, Indians, Blacks, Caucasians, the British, and Journalists.

13. Thou shall not bait celebs for RTs to your tweets.

14. Direct Messages (DMs) shall always be followed up with a tweet to the concerned person asking them to check said DM.

15. Thou shall never crib about not getting #FF recos. You only get those on merit.

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23 Responses to “ The 15 Commandments of Twitter ”

  1. Pratul Bagri on March 5, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    Thou shall retweet @amreekandesi everytime! LOL

  2. dinu on March 5, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    like like :D

    fav : #6 ;)

  3. Anubhuti on March 5, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    Enjoyed reading your blog. Keep writing.

  4. Kiran on March 6, 2011 at 6:18 am

    Haha!!! That commandments made my day :)

  5. Pritam(@VanDiablo) on March 6, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Awesome post man!! I shall RT it 28 times today.. :D

  6. gee on March 6, 2011 at 10:44 am

    nice article…..hilarious.

  7. vishesh on March 6, 2011 at 11:37 am

    thou shall not tweet from more than 3 diff. clients in a day?

  8. Rubal on March 6, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Louvly!!

  9. Sharmistha Mukherjee on March 6, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Enjoyed reading your blog:)

  10. Rahul Desai on March 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Article could also be titled as ’15 Things @AmreekanDesi Never Does On Twitter’. What say? ;)

    • amreekandesi on March 10, 2011 at 8:03 pm

      haha…i am a proclaimed offender famous for demolishing all rules of Twitter.

  11. Vale on March 6, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Very nice,tnx

  12. Gauttam on March 6, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    This is just perfect!!!

  13. Shweta on March 7, 2011 at 12:03 am

    Loved it :)

  14. Chinmay @chin80 on March 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    #ILike. Super stuff! Any outrage from the last set of people in Commandment no. 12? :D

  15. Worldemocracy on March 8, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Today is the international womens’day. Write on our site http://www.worldemocracy.com what you want to say to them. Share this message around you.

  16. Jason Bratcher on March 10, 2011 at 12:49 am

    Teeny tiny gripes to 10 and 14.
    Before i begin, i’m totally blind.
    I use a Twitter app called Qwitter
    http://qwitter-client.net.
    As to 10, i very frequently check followers to make sure i have no auto-followers in my list; makes for great spring cleaning chore, lol.
    I can not stand auto-followers just as much as the next person; maybe more!
    As to 14, i don’t want to pressure my friends to check DM’s evenif it’s a simple “Hi, how r u?”; A little overKill;
    When the recipient checks for DM’s, a sound plays if even 1 new one arrives.

  17. amreekandesi on March 10, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Thanks all for the appreciation and the kind words.

  18. MAHIMA K. (@AGirlOfHerWords) on September 8, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    So much truth! Already follow all. Goodness.

  19. yatin khurana (@theyatin) on September 20, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    #NowGoogling ‘Truly meaningful’
    -@theyatin

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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