Baking News: CBI officers to get mandatory daily Complan

May 28, 2011

As per unconfirmed reports, the government today issued a directive to the CBI to provide mandatory Complan drinks to its officers every morning. The order noted that India’s premier agency has been performing below par lately. Recent embarrassments include the goof up with the most wanted list issued to Pakistan and the trip to Copenhagen with an expired extradition warrant.

Established in 1963, the CBI has been India’s premier investigative agency and has solved several important cases in its illustrious past. However, its image has taken a beating following the recent slipups.

A high profile committee reviewed existing CBI processes over the last week and reached the conclusion that CBI officers were overworked and undernourished. The lack of vital nutrients in their bodies was affecting the performance of the otherwise perfectly capable men and women of the agency.

A market research showed how just a single glass of Complan milk can boost productivity by upto 24% by providing basic minerals and vitamins to the human body. Based on this, the government has taken it upon itself to make this a mandatory initiative.

As per the directive, as soon as officers reach their desk every morning, they are to be provided a glass containing not less than 300ml Complan milk. Only after finishing the milk are they to unlock their machines and proceed with regular work.

A Complan executive reportedly welcomed the decision saying that history has proved that Complan kids grew faster and had sharper minds. He was quoted as mentioning that over the last 10 years, 98% of the successful students in IITJEE grew up on Complan.

We were unable to obtain any comments from CBI.

[Baking News presents the worst half baked news in all of India. Half baked but fully made up. Believe it at your own risk. We have no affiliation with Complan and/or the CBI.]

2 Responses to “ Baking News: CBI officers to get mandatory daily Complan ”

  1. Vyankatesh on May 29, 2011 at 11:47 am

    :) I wonder what happens for those who don’t like milk :)

  2. Satire News on May 29, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Making weed compulsory might work :-B

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