Del – NYC Tweet Style

September 16, 2011
By
Flew to New York this week on a two week vacation. Took some notes during the flight. Think of it as a live tweet of the 15 hour journey.
  • T3. Whoa. Big.
  • Flying a day after the 9/11 10th anniversary. I deserve a bravery award.
  • 16 months old and junior is on his 4th flight already. Raking up the miles.
  • Flying light is for wimps. With us Punjabis, not a single hand goes wasted.
  • Pro tip: Wear as many clothes as possible to get around baggage restrictions.
  • Second security check for American flights. Obnoxious bastards.
  • There is only one way you can feel after an airport pat-down. Violated.
  • Took it sportingly, like a free massage. Bloody pehelwan refused to do it again.
  • Ask for complimentary upgrade to business class. Cheap rascal asks for USD 2500. Blood sucking capitalists.
  • All-american flight crew. Chatty, black air hostess. I’ll call her Oprah.
  • Oprah is bitching about someone to her white colleague. I’d enjoy it if only i could understand her accent.
  • Alright, 14 hours to go. Junior please have mercy.
  • Confucius says – those who don’t watch free movie on plane idiot.
  • If all Chinese movies have people doing martial arts, shouldn’t all indian ones feature people fixing code bugs?
  • Always follow up flight food with soda and water. Soda to digest the crap, and water to prevent dehydration on log flights.
  • Or only drink soda. Contains water anyway.
  • 11 hours to go and Junior is howling. Come on driver, step up the gas. Crank that accelerator. Put in 5th gear.
  • Standing patiently in line to go to the loo. Dear GoI, I demand the Right to Line Up.
  • Fellow inside taking too much time. Searching for the jet spray?
  • Flying sucks.
  • Oprah just shooed an elderly uncle for asking for tea out of turn. Reminded of Charles Dickens.
  • Oprah is now close to stabbing the uncle with her finger. I see in her a worthy Bollytown Nirupa Roy replacement .
  • Gotta love drinking Orange juice when it is free.
  • Go to back of plane for squats, pushups and 200 crunches. Getting off a desi flight no less than battle.
  • You know the flight is nearly done when the air smells of rotten hydrogen sulphide.
  • Touchdown.
  • Another Oprah at immigration talking to people twice her age like misbehaved children. Golmaal Devgn would’ve broken her finger in a second.
  • Indian immigrants are to America what Bangladeshis are to India.
  • First stop at Newark airport – the men’s room. Overflowing urinals full of susu. India 0. USA -1
  • Off i go. Time to be a tourist in New York and be hated by New Yorkers.

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5 Responses to “ Del – NYC Tweet Style ”

  1. ACanadian on September 16, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    You might as well call her african american.Why does she have to be Oprah and and why not Barbara or Linda? You need to be sanitized…to get those r****l undertones flushed out…Try pouring down Harpic down your throat..that might just work for you:)

    • GemsBond007 on February 21, 2012 at 1:10 am

      Let’s get his politically right. They are not African at all any more. They are American, and that’t it. It’s high time we start aligning their true modern ethnicity; and not tagging a racial identity to their actual heritage (which btw has been America for over 300 years)

  2. amreekandesi on September 18, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    Whoa! One of those days?

  3. amlistening on September 19, 2011 at 7:24 am

    cant help laughing…
    -11 hours to go… Come on driver, step up the gas. Crank that accelerator. Put in 5th gear.
    -With us Punjabis, not a single hand goes wasted.

  4. Luanna on October 15, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    My laughter barometer has shoot to its maximum point, thank goodness you stopped before my ribs came cracking down. What are Bangladeshis to Indians? Interesting…. Oooh poor junior, only 16 months and he is alreadyy smelt the hygrogen sulphide. I feel for his lungs. Good work

    Luanna’s latest Hindicertifiedtranslation

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