The Story of Indian Cricket’s Fall
Much has been written about the ongoing Indian tour of Australia. The tour has seen the world champions flounder against what was being termed a mediocre Australian team, but we have encountered strong evidence that seems to suggest a twist in the tale.
Here, breaking on the Baking News Network, is an exclusive story of what really happened in Australia.
It was all Captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s masterplan.
It all started when Dhoni heard of the FIH Olympic Qualifying tournament being held in Delhi. Winning this tournament was India’s last change of making the 2012 Olympics. For an 8 time winning nation, nothing could be more shameful than not even qualifying for the biggest stage in world hockey.
Dhoni discussed his idea with senior board members, who were initially sceptical but the Indian captain convinced them that in the bigger interest of sport, this was required. And then he formulated his plan. The team fitness trainers were to be diverted to hockey. Sahara were to announce the decision to withdraw support for cricket and instead sponsor the hockey team. The Indian team learnt go-karting to develop an effective alibi for days when they will miss practice.
Vice captain Sehwag joined in. The idea for a public spat between him and the captain was his. The duo spent the month before the tour planning the finer details. Go-karting trips were booked. Snorkeling vouchers were procured. The board even managed to find a sponsor for unlimited supply of beer to help the team look naturally unfit. For good measure, Virat Kohli agreed to become a perceived bad-boy with a well placed middle finger salute.
If the planning was thorough, the execution was perfect. The team lost match after match. They won a couple in between though, just so it didnt look too obvious. But it was all coming together. The Indian team cut a sorry figure in Australia.
The Indian junta responded as expected. They were angry. They were disappointed. Countless fans broke their mobiles and TVs by throwing one into the other. The public had had enough of cricket. They needed something else.
And at this time, the hockey tournament started. A perfectly timed stroke, like a Sehwag cover drive India didnt get to see in the entire series.
Cricket’s loss was Hockey’s gain. Frustrated junta started watching the matches on TV. After India won the first few matches, people actually started going to the stadium to watch, taking along the same tricolors they had saved for Cricket matches.
On the day of Indian hockey’s crowning glory, the final of the tournament, Indian cricket suffered the final blow. As the Indian cricketers perished in yet another listless display to be knocked out of the tournament, Indian hockey won the final by a massive margin to give the Indian public what they really needed. Excellence.
India was ecstatic. People were bursting fireworks like it was Diwali. They were jubilant. Indian hockey was back in the picture.
As per our sources, Dhoni watched the Hockey final from his room. After India won, he ordered a full tandoori chicken and a six pack of budlight. This called for celebration.
He had won, even though he had lost.
[Baking News presents to you half baked news that may have no credibility in the real world. All characters in this piece are fictional and have no semblance to anyone real or imaginary. We are confident that the Indian cricket team’s losses in Australia are fully attributed to their lack of talent and/or application. No external factors should be allowed to take credit from their performance.]