Open Letter to Arms Dealers

March 26, 2012

Dear Arms Dealers and their Assorted Cronies,

This is in reference to the recent news about the measly 14 crore bribe offered to the Indian army chief, General VK Singh. As a resident of a modern, developing India with a high rate on inflation, i am appalled.

Nothing in India is cheap anymore. I went to a Costa Coffee the other day and the coffee cost me Rs 150. And it wasn’t even hot. A shabbily constructed 3 bedroom apartment in a moderately upscale Gurgaon neighborhood costs in crores. For 14 crores, you’ll probably get a 3 BHK in suburban Mumbai, maybe somewhere in Vashi. Vashi? Who lives in Vashi?

An army chief has high standards. He only drinks the best liquor. His clothes are always starched stiff, and shoes always in the darkest shade of African-American. He is a 62, no 61 year old man who commands a force of a million men who would go to battle for him at the drop of an INSAS rifle. Being the chief of the Indian army is a big deal, you know.

And our people look up to him. For millions of Indians, he is the person they expect to see kicking Pakistani butt if they dare attack us, in a manner much similar to Sunny Deol in Border. [Sunny Deol. What a man. What amazing scream presence!]

Indian people sleep at night feeling safe that our hostile neighbors cannot kill us in our sleep, because we know that

1.) Pakistan doesn’t have missiles to reach a long distance inland
2.) Our army will never let us down.

What will happen to that confidence if the Army chief falters? More importantly, what will happen to the army chief’s confidence if he is offered a bribe that is a fraction of the alleged rate charged by petty politicians for the smallest of tasks? This is a massive blow on the safety of the nation.


Dear arms lobbies and their middlemen, for these reasons we Indian people implore you, no we beg of you, please raise your standards. You must pay our top army brass the going rate and not try to undercut them.

At least pay them enough to buy a nice 3 BHK in Bandra, if not Colaba. Remember, Army chiefs cannot live in Vashi. They do have some standards to maintain.

It’s a nation’s honor at stake. Please don’t let us down.

Regards and all that.

[Published as an online petition as well. Please sign to get this going.]

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5 Responses to “ Open Letter to Arms Dealers ”

  1. Deepa on March 27, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Nicely done! Got me interested enough to read the other open letters! Nice work!

  2. b k chowla on March 28, 2012 at 6:32 am

    You have said it all.
    We are passing through one of the worst phases after independence.

  3. Narendra Phanse on April 20, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Sarcasm apart, remember that the Chief PAYS for the ‘expensive’ liquor he drinks, has documentary evidence to show his age, and above all, does NOT need to live either in Vashi or Bandra. He is happy to retire to his native place. But then, it is hard to comprehend the hard realities a soldier faces, right from the day he joins as a Gentleman Cadet (do you know what that means?), slog out in Commando School, serve in Siachin and win the stars on his collar after commanding a platoon, company, battalion, brigade, division and corps. But thanks for pointing out that the Chief maintained the level of integrity we soldiers expected from our Chief and are proud of him.

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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