Open Letter to Shri Robert Vadra

October 7, 2012
By

Dear Shri Robert Vadra ji,

I know you’re in the news for corruption and tax evasion charges, but don’t let that bog you down. You are bigger than that, and we are with you. And of course, there’s the union cabinet to take care of that. Salman hai na? [I am guessing that in the inner party circles, he goes as son-in-law minister. Hee hee.]

But on a serious note, you are such an inspiration, man.

You know how everybody has their life-changing moments? Buddha had it below than Banyan tree. Newton had it when that apple fell on his head. Poonam Pandey when she realized her best talent was taking her clothes off. Similarly, mine was when i saw a sign at the airport listing out the most important people in India, the ones exempted from getting their balls cupped by CISF officers.

President. Prime Minister. Cabinet Ministers. Chief Justice. Shri Robert Vadra.

Man, this must be an order of magnitude bigger than getting AIR 1 in IITJEE, 100 percentile in CAT and topping the civil services exam. In the same year. Mumma must be so proud.

Dude, you’re such a rockstar. And i felt important when Continental airlines sent me a one-time pass to the premium lounge. What a loser.

But i guess you were destined for greatness. Your mom was of Scottish origin, and dad an Indian. Always the mark of a great man to marry a foreigner, and i guess it also fit into the whole Gandhi family theme. But clearly, if there’s one thing you did well, it was getting married to Priyanka ji. Very nice lady she is, tall, charismatic, short hair and all that.

While most Indian men dream of marrying a woman who can get them a crore in dowry, you went long. And how. Good job there.

Don’t get me wrong, i am not like those stupid BJP walas, ranting against you. I truly adore you man. Your journey is going to inspire men and women for many centuries.

I mean, you got the airport frisking exemption even before the chiefs of our defense services. That is so FREAKING AWESOME.

Of course, you are not all about being the first-son-in-law of the country. There’s more to you. Like spending time in the gym to give a complex to Salman and Hrithik. You’re forty and have a six pack of abs. I am 32 and my lungs turn into the Agni missile if i dare run a kilometer. You already have a mustache. I say you should shoot for the lead role in Dabangg 2.

Oh, and i love your 1800cc motorcycle. Even my car doesn’t have that many CCs. But then, the national jamai has to live in style, so it is cool. Kitna deti hai, btw?

There’s so much to you. I think you are doing a great job of removing gender stereotypes that crappy shows like Balika Vadhu are creating. There the bahus spend their time cooking, looking good and taking care of the family name. Here, you are making sure you look good, while taking care of the family name. This is just so sweet. I would do chubby cheeks to you, if i could.

Along the way, you’ve also built yourself a business empire. Stakes in hotels, apartments all over the place, everything totaling hundreds of crores. Excellent example for unmarried budding entrepreneurs. Just one suggestion – you should consider putting up those apartments for rent. Some supplemental income never hurts.

Awesome, man. Awesome. Very impressive.

Achha, one last thing. I hear you got a 10,000 square feet apartment in Gurgaon for 89 lakh. Boss, this is god-level bargaining skills. How did you manage? When i tried, they wouldn’t sell me an apartment a tenth of that size for that much. Can you please help getting that discount? Perhaps if we find ten other people, DLF might even give us a group discount and make it even cheaper.

Chalo boss, that’s it for now. Take care, keep rocking, and don’t worry about Kejriwal, the BJP, or Indian people. We forgot about Bofors, we’ve forgotten CWG, we’ve forgotten 2G, we’ll forget Coal G, we’ll forget JIJA JI as well.

[Image courtesy: India Today]

Disclaimer: Dear Kapil Sibal ji, i just mean this in good humor. If you are considering putting me in jail for this silly satirical post, please note that Suresh Raina’s nephew wrote it.]

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84 Responses to “ Open Letter to Shri Robert Vadra ”

  1. ms on October 8, 2012 at 10:32 am

    there is this quality in the post, i hereby name the style”lyrical information dispension”. i don’t care about his crores and mega sqft in prime properties. what gets my goat is this exemption from airport frisking. by disallowing nether-region-fondling, he has put himself at a higher plane (literally and figuratively) than us plebs. may he rot in congress. may he go to congress.

    • M on October 12, 2012 at 8:48 am

      Its writeen that it is when he is with SPG protector..isnt it?? I am not defending him neither have the power to do so… but when a person travels with SPG they are not frisked..

  2. mithil on October 9, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Haha .. conveyed what I would like vadra to hear. Btw I don’t think you owe Mr Sibal an explanation. Its pretty evident considering his intelligence

  3. Manjit on October 9, 2012 at 10:26 am

    You’re a Maoist to post such thing against our National Jamai..
    You must be kept locked in a room without phone and internet connection untill you die of frustration for posting against our national party Congress :P

    • Manjit on October 11, 2012 at 2:04 am

      Are you serious?

    • Gopal on October 11, 2012 at 3:30 am

      Absolutely, are you serious?

    • jeasbe gurjeet singh on October 11, 2012 at 4:09 pm

      MANJIT ji IS not Serious !!
      He has Increased the PUNjabi in The Original Post !

  4. navneet on October 9, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    good 1 bro…

  5. ankit brahmbhatt (@AB_Speaks) on October 9, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    maa ki kirkiri…. pura nichod ke rakh diya re…. ismail bhai ki to le li,

    in one line……

    jiyo amreekan desi jiyo….

  6. sumit on October 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    People who read these articles are not the one, who are deciding the neta, who will rule us.
    This gives these netas and their sons/ Jamais the power to do whatever they want. CWG jaisa scam karke bhi Kalamadi aaram se ghoom raha kyon? and we have 60% of jail inmates as undertrials.
    We have 2 set of rules : 1 for netas and another for mango people.

  7. amreekandesi on October 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    This post has been getting so much love and appreciation that i am truly touched. Thanks to all who liked, RTed and commented.

    It also shows that Robert Vadra Ji is such an icon among Indian people. Legend.

    • Santa Singh on October 11, 2012 at 1:11 am

      haha…reminds me of “Legend…wait-for-it………dary”…

  8. manoj on October 10, 2012 at 12:47 am

    well said…
    but suresh raina’s nephew really ??

  9. Manoj Kumar on October 10, 2012 at 2:52 am

    Awesome man, keep going Amreekandesi

  10. Ashish Dimri on October 10, 2012 at 7:28 am

    desibhai, ur love for bharatmata & bharatmata’s damaads is inspiring!! keep going…

  11. Himanshu on October 10, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Lo and behold…..the first son in law gets SPG too!!! Bloody bastards

  12. Abhishek Priyam on October 10, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Killer last line, “We forgot about Bofors, we’ve forgotten CWG, we’ve forgotten 2G, we’ll forget Coal G, we’ll forget JIJA JI as well.” :D

  13. ajay on October 10, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Well..!!

    We are born to be ruled by such stupids who are called politicians. Let s get out of our cocoon and vote for someone who will lead us. We must live our freedom and the presence of such people will not allow us live freely. We are slaves in an independent country.

    • Ravindra Tiwari on October 10, 2012 at 8:32 pm

      Another 100 years for a revolution to remove the types of politicians we have today :(

  14. Sambi on October 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    man, i fucking like the post and my respect to robert vadri ji may be increased many fold.

    • Ravindra Tiwari on October 10, 2012 at 8:34 pm

      Some on one FB had recently posted : “Now I know why all the crooks in movies (during Ajit days) were called Rabat (Robert) !

  15. Parul Gupta on October 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Awesome, as always AD … especially love the ‘chubby cheeks’ touch … hats off!

  16. Samraat on October 10, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    One more miserable reason why India is a good country for very, very corrupt people.

  17. Ranjith on October 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Freaking awesome. Well said!!!:-)

  18. kpp1991 on October 10, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Hahaha, I can not stop laughing. Wonderfully written with the correct dosage of punch, slap, kick and insult the issue demands. Keep similar ones coming. You have plenty out there in the CON bandwagon giving sufficient spoof to keep you busy for some time now. Great writing mate.

  19. indianHood on October 10, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    this cant get better anymore. Laughed continuously for sometime after reading this post. It should have hit where it hurts the more. :))

  20. arvinder on October 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    This is awesome AD !! I really love this :))

  21. Raina on October 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Fucking awesome..Only if Mr. Vadra could realize if he had nothing to hide why he went into hiding :).Keep writing dude !!

  22. Sunil on October 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Vadra Must be proud to read his accomplishment !!! LOL

  23. Asha on October 10, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I cannot stop laughing. Amazing open letter. Dude, you are amazing…
    BTW, if you are able to get that discount on the apartment in Gurgaon, do tell me how you did it…

  24. Paul Kurrien on October 10, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Finally when all this dies down ,at least he will be remembered for all eternity for his “mango people in a banana republic”

  25. Vishnupriya Spllendour on October 10, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    This post is Awesome and too good to read. Had a great time reading it. Most importantly today Sonia Gandhiji is telling that the attack on Vadra is like attacking the government. Please write a similar sattirical article on her also. Most importantly i feel that Sonia’s Visit to USA on the basis of a health check-up is something i don’t believe in. I feel there is something fishy about it. Please sniff with your nose on that issue also. IF we find somthing daring we will post it to Kejriwal. Keep it up man.

  26. Main bhi writer | The Scribbler. on October 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    […] manner? I always thought that I could write humour, but after reading some great stuff recently (like this one), I’m not sure I can do humour. Cut-and-dry seems to be the best […]

  27. Vandana on October 10, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    Robert Vadhera or Robber Vadhera :)

  28. venkat on October 10, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Dude, that ‘kitna deti hai’ is awesome.. And the ‘chubby cheeks’.. ROFLMAO

  29. Nandkishore on October 10, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Every mother in law will be proud of such son in law for his capabilities so the daughter will never dream of being aam adami

  30. Buddhadeb Guha on October 10, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Immensely enjoyed the style of writing. But you are one of ” mango people” from a banana republic. And Robert has deposited his human elements like shame and sensitivity. But as golf player I like his style of playing golf, although I do not know his handicap.
    Buddhadeb Guha

  31. devansh baghel on October 10, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    INSANE READ..loved it… too good…

  32. Narendra vikram on October 10, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Vadra says he is a private person but the entire cabinet Including P Chidu have come in his defence.Is the Central cabinet of India holding such defence for all MANGO people or will they do for all mango people in future Also never heard or seen in writing at all airports in the world that a private person ( SO CALLED ) is exemped from frisking or as very correctly said Balls cupped by CISF The Cong. has only Chamchas of Gandhi family and would do anything to satisfy them.

  33. Narayanan on October 10, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    If the real stories come, these dlf stories will look like his driver’s pocket change…… Where do u guys live ? This is feather light …..

  34. La on October 10, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    Brilliant. Icing on the cake was Suresh raina’s nephew!

  35. Denis Khan on October 11, 2012 at 12:16 am

    all political parties have their ‘Vadhera’ sons so at the end of the day we can expect …!!!

  36. Madhur on October 11, 2012 at 12:30 am

    DLF is my favourite realty company for the work they have done in NCR. I would suggest that they make premium jails now as they are going to be in huge demand soon. All the politicians would rush to buy their own sell.

    And off course our JIJAJI must get a big one at super abnormal rates.

  37. Kaushal Kumar Lal (@kaushallal) on October 11, 2012 at 8:29 am

    somehow after going through this letter mr avaedera can realise that how inspirational youth icon for this country

  38. rajinder on October 11, 2012 at 9:07 am

    very aptly written to shri vadhera ji,. After all, he is son in law of india and we love him and he also deserves all the benefits accruing to this status..

  39. daksh on October 11, 2012 at 11:09 am

    dude u r going to get a Dislike from Kapil SIbal bt 1.21 billion likes from Indians
    nice story telling

  40. Chill on October 11, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Not convincing enough…seriously you are comparing his bike with your car ?
    and you cant run far enough. What has robert wadra to do with this. I think you should write a letter to usain bolt as well, how dare him to run faster than the writer of this letter and probably to all those who drive bugatti their car’s displacement is well above limit otherwise they will be adressed a letter as well. Just because your life did not reap something material you cannot blame someone else.

  41. asha on October 11, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    wah!

  42. Bhaavi on October 11, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Frisking security at airport helps him to carry valuable antiques for his shop in Italy. He used to sell scrap and look where is he now. I wonder why IT department dont raid all such people.

  43. Ganesh Poddar on October 11, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Just superb boss

  44. jeasbe gurjeet singh on October 11, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Brilliant Work !!
    Would Love as Many people to COPY PASTE this LINK and Share on WHATEVER FACEBOOK / TWITTER / WHATTSAPP /BBM they can get hold of…
    Email it Freely and Let it Pass “Unfrisked”…..

  45. jeasbe gurjeet singh on October 11, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    No Wonder In all OLD MOVIES….
    The “RAABERT” was always One Villian in “LIONs GANG” !!!!

  46. Karthik Nag on October 11, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    How can somebody raid ! Like. national animal, national emblem and nation anthem, Robert is National jamai ji…

  47. chetan on October 11, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    hehehhahhahahuuhahah..awefuckingsome..each and every sentence cracked me up..enjoyed it like anything..

  48. Kumar on October 12, 2012 at 12:18 am

    Your comments made laugh and at the same time brought tears in my eyes. This tears were not because I laughed heart out, but the way our country is being exploited. Name it, Mughals, East India Company and now Within India Politicians (WIP) read it as weep.

    Our martyrs would be weeping in their graves. But the mortals who still live in this modern India don’t care a damn about it.

    Thanks and keep writing such good stuff. May be one day there will be ‘Rang De Basanthi’

  49. sailendra on October 12, 2012 at 12:57 am

    satire and point to point….
    was my 1st read an more than satisfied..

  50. A"mature" Writer on October 12, 2012 at 4:01 am

    An inspiration to come up with “http://a-mature-writer.blogspot.in/2012/10/an-open-letter-from-teetotaller.html” .. :P

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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