AmreekanDesi » Amreekandesi

Twitter Killed the Blogger

amreekandesi — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 09:12:15 +0000

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a blogger. Lets call him Arnab. Actually scratch that – cant mess around with such powerful names. Let’s just call him a simpler Ajit.

Ajit was cool. He was funny, witty, satirical, had strong opinions, wrote beautifully. People loved him. All 216 of the seven billion people in the world who read his blog.

The schedule was erratic, but he kept the blog going. In fits and starts. Sometimes daily posts, sometimes a month of inactivity, but everytime managing to come back on track and get the blog running through three eventful years. He changed jobs and cities, got married, had a baby, went through all crests and troughs of lives. But the blog kept going.

And then came Twitter. Micro blogging. 140 character posts.

Twitter was just what the doctor ordered. Where it would have taken an immense amount of thought and energy into coming up with a thousand word blog post, now all he needed was some word play to come up with funny one liners, and sit back and wait for people’s comments. Instant gratification.

Life was great.

To sweeten the deal, you could post tweets from anywhere, thanks to mobile connectivity. The gap between thought and post was eliminated. Ajit started getting absorbed into the magical world of tweets, followers, retweets and the like.

You find something interesting on the road -Twitpic it. Rakhi Sawant on TV? You sit through torture to come up with jokes. You come across a fun headline – twist it and make a joke. Cricket? Filmfare? Olympics? Live tweet the proceedings. A single line is all it takes. No need for an elaborate, planned out writeup.

A month passed. Two months passed. Thousands tweets. Zero blog posts.

It was fun, but not the same. There was instant gratification, but not the satisfaction of weaving together a meaningful blog post. Twitter was proving to be T20 to the One Day International.

Ajit was back.

Bye Bye 2010

amreekandesi — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 11:45:07 +0000

So 2010 ends today. As is the custom around this time of the year i must close accounts, which in blog terms translates into an annual roundup. The Twitter roundup is already done. This one is for the blog.

Blogging was erratic over the year, going in fits and starts depending on work schedules. Towards the latter half, i’ve been writing more of satire, trying to add a humurous slant to our frustration with the never ending scams, crime, political games, and in general degradation of the state of affairs in our country.

The following would be some of my favorite works.

The Open letter to Mike Hooper went on to become a huge hit, getting linked to by the Guardian blog as well.

In terms on number of hits, most popular were:

Apart from the blog, i have been busy on Twitter and finally getting a hang of how it all works. If you dont follow me already, i am at @amreekandesi. Junior is on Twitter as well – @amreekandesijr.

On the personal front, the year was fruitful. The best day of my life was the birth of my little boy, who is the most adorable little kid ever. On the negative side, i spent far too much time in the hospital with people getting sick. Hope the new year will bring better health for the family.

For 2011, i hope to continue writing on the blog and Twitter. Also planning to get on with the book that has been in the works for a while now.

As always, your feedback is very important to me. Please let me know how i am doing on the blog and/or on Twitter. Use the comment space, or drop in a note at contact@amreekandesi.com. Feedback will go a long way in improving my writing, and your help there will be much appreciated.

For now, wish everybody a wonderful new year. May 2011 get you all the success, good health, and happiness that you deserve in life.

Do keep reading!

It’s That Time Of The Year

amreekandesi — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 12:53:02 +0000

Across most big corporates in India this is mid year appraisal season.

Even though we at amreekandesi.com don’t have a glass windowed office in a Gurgaon skyscraper marked by daily morning fights for elevator access, or a lazy HR department that takes a month to respond to petty requests, or aggressive staff forever cribbing about each other, we still think of us as no less.

So here’s the mid year appraisal for this blog.

In true corporate tradition we will follow a 360 degree feedback process, so if you are going to bitch and cry about us, be prepared for feedback on the other side of the highway as well.

We will keep this objective. Go through the following questions and mark the choice that seems most suitable. For longer responses where you might want to vent your emotions using choice adjectives, use the comments section.

Responses that seem automated such as all questions marked ‘A’, will be disqualified, and you will be sued for the emotional hurt caused by your insensitivity.

So off we go. Be good, and please post any suggestions/recommendations/improvements in the comments section.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Make Way for the Real Deal

amreekandesi — Sun, 02 May 2010 11:52:25 +0000

The hall was bristling with excitement. Journalists from all major publications jostled with each other for legroom. There would have been fights but for the fact that there was hardly any room to swing one’s arms.

The place was stinking, but that was fine. The media people were there.

“Damn it, it wasnt this crowded even at the birthday of Kayawati’s dog.”

Who knew a blog award function would be this crazy?

After all weren’t bloggers known to be faceless aliens buried away in their dark dungeons maligning famous people. They may have opinions on anything and everything, but frankly who gave a rat’s bottom?

Yet somehow this was different. This was the Avant Garde bloggies, and the occasion was to present the Best Satire and Best About Me award. The Winner? Someone truly path breaking.

Charkha Datt was there, in bullet proof gear. Somebody had provided advance warning of a potential terrorist strike. A disaster here and the cream of India’s social circuit would be gone. India’s per capita IQ was in real danger of getting a big bump.

The bell rang. Everybody is requested to please take their assigned seats. We dont want any scumbag making a scene as the award winners make way to the stage.

Who do these bloggers think they are? Nobody talks to us like that.

We should have boycotted this awards night altogether. The swamy who can dance to every Michael Jackson number would have made such better news. Too bad the bosses are giving this event so much importance.

Ladies, and Gentlemen, presenting to you all – Here’s the winner of the two most important categories in this year’s Avant Garde Bloggies.

Best Satirical Post – Amreekandesi for Driving in Delhi

Best About Me – Amreekandesi

Drum Roll

Orchestra from Star Wars Plays

[What else did you expect from someone who just won for the best satire post? Thanks to all of you awesome people who voted. Big thanks to Poonam for this initiative.]

A New Chapter In My Life

amreekandesi — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 07:26:07 +0000

Have you ever been peed upon, shitted upon, kicked, and punched…all at the same time? This is part of my routine now. And it’s awesome.

Yes, my little one loves me.

The best thing that ever happened to me. My own little bundle of joy.

I am a dad. Say hi to AD Jr.

He has already started staring at the laptop greedily. Sometimes i wonder whether he finds it an alluring target for testing the laws of projectile motion, or is he just raring to try out all that Java i taught him while he was stretching in there.

Of course he needs a name. I proposed a name starting with double AAs. That would put him on top of any alphabetical list, which helps. Except during college vivas where you end up becoming the scapegoat, and everybody else benefits from your experience.

Somehow the family didn’t quite go with it. Whats wrong with being called aakraman? Nobody in the right frame of mind would dare mess with my boy with a name that means ‘attack’!

Oh well…whats in a name anyway?

Being a father rocks. Life is good.

And The New Year Is Here. Happy 2010.

amreekandesi — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 03:41:49 +0000

2009 was a busy year with a lot happening in the twelve months. The Indian elections, and the Congress’ stunning victory. The BJP’s continued internal drama. The global economic downturn. India’s rise to the top in world cricket, and the continued decline of the national sport (Hockey, in case you didn’t know). 3 Idiots. Big Boss 3.

More significantly, there was the return of the prodigal son to the land of Snake charmers and Elephants. You know who i am talking about. Me.

This blog did well for itself, and continues to be a huge passion for me. I have been able to post rather regularly even though the last month wasn’t that productive. The reader base has grown, and all you wonderful people reading this blog totally rock. I became a member of the DesiPundit community, as well as BlogCritics. Twitter has proved to be an amazing tool and I have got to know some tremendous people via that medium.

2010 holds a lot of promise in personal and professional life.

I would like to see if the time taken for my daily tri-state commute keeps increasing or will it reach a maxima and then drop to saner levels. I would like to see Delhi do well for itself in the Commonwealth games, despite all the attempts by the official agencies to make a complete mess out of the event. I would like to eat more mangoes in a few months come summer. I would like to do a lot more on this blog, including being more regular with posts (and replying to comments). I would like to know for sure whether the world is indeed going to end in 2012, so that i can just get done with that book already.

Meanwhile, here’s wishing you all a wonderful new year. God bless you, and hope all your wishes come true.

All About Returning To India

amreekandesi — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:39:36 +0000

Are you an Indian settled abroad thinking of coming back to India? Read on.

First the all important question. Why do you want to move to India? Seriously. Think again. If you are coming back because you think India is this awesome place growing at a rapid pace where you would be able to enjoy all that life (and money) has to offer, then please reconsider your decision.

If you come expecting a thousand watt halogen lamp, the hopeful candle flickering in the wind might come as a disappointment.

NRI City – Greater Noida. “Bringing Singapore to India“

Return to India only if you have a very solid reason that will sustain you through the transition period (and beyond), during which you will crib about everything from the traffic, pollution, corruption, cows, buffaloes, and the silly speed bump outside your house. This reason could be work, family, emotions, a hidden treasure that you left under the tree on that plot near the house, the one that has been taken up by the newest unauthorized temple in town.

Come back because you want to do something for the country and put your brain to the nation’s development, and you will spend a good amount of time in disillusionment before you even get started. For India will tell you that it doesn’t need you. And that’s because India takes pride in disowning ordinary NRIs. Become governor of an American state, and then come talk to us. Or at the very least win a damn Nobel.

Come back because you want your kids to be raised with Indian values, and boy will you be in for a shock? Indian kids seem to have left America somewhere behind.

To be fair, the positives of life in India are many. No more visa hassles. No worrying about going out of status. No worrying about being an alien in a foreign land. The feeling that you can go anywhere and do whatever you want – its your country. Then of course there’s the Mangoes and the Gulab Jamuns, which virtually clinched the deal for me.

India can be a lot of fun, but only if your expectations are set realistically. I moved to India a few months back after spending half a decade in the US. I suppose my transition period is still continuing, but i am happy. I moved back to be with family, and after many years i got to celebrate a real Diwali this year. I am overjoyed!

If you do decide to take the plunge, here’s notes from my R2I (as ‘Return to India’ is affectionately referred to) experience. If you find these helpful, don’t forget to drop me some moolah in the paypal account. (I may just let you manage the huge endowment my Nigerian uncle left me last week via email.)

Here’s a little checklist of things to do before you pack your bags and fly back to India. (Hopefully you will fly Air India, and hopefully the crew will have an argument en route. Nobody provides in-flight entertainment like a messed up Air India crew.)

Have a Plan of What you are Going to do in India.

Where are you going to live? What will you eat? What will you drive? What will you DO?

This cannot be overemphasized. India is a busy country with a lot of unpleasant distractions, and without a steady occupation you could easily get bogged down by the weight of the very heavy nation.

Have a clear plan of what you will do when you get here. Find a job. Prepare a business plan if the entrepreneurship spirit tickles. Buy a farm. Find a village that you will save from drought/cruel Zamindars/ The British/Pakistan. Form an NGO.

You get the idea.

Settle your Finances.

I closed most of my credit card accounts except for the most commonly used ones. I might get them also closed now. The bank account is still open, but most of the balance has been remitted

Make sure you close out all that is outstanding. Unless you are sure you will never come back to the US and have big contacts that might prevent you from getting deported from India, please don’t commit any fraud. Better still, make sure you actively find out and sort out all open issues.

Once you are gone and they are unable to trace you, your account will just go into collection and your credit will be forever ruined.

(Image courtesy – http://www.badcredithistory.org.uk/)

Settle your Apartment Lease.

Even if you can break the lease, you will likely have to give some notice period, so it might make sense to time your move around this issue, especially if you live in a big city like New york where rentals are as complicated and expensive as they are.

You could buy a little car in India for a month’s rent up in the Big Apple.

Sell your House.

If you had the good fortune of buying a house, then selling it off may be a good idea. Be sure to factor in time for the sale while planning your move.

Ship your Stuff

This one’s the fun part. Basically there’s two shipping modes. There’s ocean freight, and there’s air freight. Ocean freight goes by the container load. You can get a full container, or do an LCL (Less than Container Load) shipment. This mode is relatively cheaper, but takes a long time. A few months at the least. Dont dump all your undies in the container.

The other option is air freight. This one would typically be by the pound, and comes out to be much more expensive than ocean shipment, making it not very practical if you are shifting an entire home, furniture and all. Me, i didn’t move any furniture. Just books (lots of them), clothes, and assorted stuff. I flew them to India, and it took about 10 days end to end. Pretty neat.

I did have to go to the airport to get my shipment released and pay the duty. You get to pay a discounted duty if you can prove that you are transferring residence. The duty officers would open all boxes in front of you, and come up with an estimate of the total value of the shipment.

There are many shipping companies whose services you could use for sending your shipment. The very helpful person from my shipping company pointed out though that it may be much cheaper to send everything directly through the airline instead of going through the shipping company. As in, you send via air freight directly with the airline, and take out the shipping company middleman. Somebody please try and let me know how that goes. It was too late by the time i got this info!

Do a Dress Rehearsal

Ideally, before you move back come stay in India for a month or so to get a feel of things. This is especially important if you haven’t been to India for 5-10 years. A lot has changed since those prehistoric times.

Good Luck with the Move.

Make an informed decision, and plan your move thoroughly and in advance. If you have done your homework well, things will be smooth. Otherwise a cross continent move can be a very stressful experience.

The good news is that they don’t travel by boats anymore. No one in India will be able to call you a FOB.

Some Useful Resources:

NRIOL
R2I Club Forums – This forum was a blessing. Any question that you have about the move has probably already been asked here. If not, then there are people more than willing to help out.
GaramChai’s R2I forums
NeoIndian’s 40 resources to plan your move to India
Ashish’s initial post before the move, and the one year followup!
This blog by Mahipal who is going to move to India in 2010, and already planning the move.

100 Days in India

amreekandesi — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 11:19:44 +0000

It has been a 100 days since i moved back to India, after spending a fruitful few years in the US. I went to the US back in 2004 as a graduate student, and later spent a few years working on Wall Street, before packing up my bags to come back home.

A few months back in the run up to the Indian general elections, PM Manmohan Singh promised to turn the economy around in 100 days. That hasn’t quite happened yet, but amreekandesi’s 100 days in India haven’t been any less exciting than a Harbhajan Singh driving his Hummer around the streets of Chandigarh.

I am happy.

Happy to be back home. Happy to not be an alien in a foreign land. Happy that i will not miss important events in my family. Happy that i can get my dose of Gulab Jamuns without undertaking that long trek to Jackson Heights.

India is crazy. There is no discipline. There is pollution. There is crime. There is no courtesy. There is no power, nor water. There are scoundrels for politicians who would sell us all for money if they could. You sweat so much in India.

India has gotten so expensive. It is often said that Indians going to the west would convert all the prices into rupees and get scandalized. Its the reverse for me now. I find myself converting prices into dollars and getting shocked at realizing that a lot of stuff is sold for prices comparable to what you would get in New york.

It’s taken a while to come to grips with this new India. This new India that keeps changing rapidly, for good or for bad only history will tell.

A Paranoid India.

Earlier when i used to come to India for my holiday trips, the family would go to the new swanky malls that keep coming up like Agarwal sweet corners from back in the day. Right at the entry, i would be x-rayed and then patted down. Shoulder, chest and butt. I would protest, but to no avail.

Here in India we are constantly under scrutiny. They make those funky mall complexes, and then treat everybody like a prospective terrorist.

At the office, every day the security chaps will check my bag. In the morning, and in the evening. I lost it earlier this week when he actually reached inside my bag to turn things around. WTH! Not too sure whether it was the humiliation caused due to all these checks, or the concern over all those germs coming my way in these swine ridden times.

For all its paranoia over terrorism, the US is way easier to live in. I was never patted down even at airports.

Getting anything done is such a headache. You open a bank account and they need a million documents to prove who you are. You get a DTH television subscription and they too need a proof of identity and a full set of documents.

God forbid you try to get a loan – there will be calls made to random neighbors to ascertain that you aren’t a criminal. I got to know after moving here that as part of my pre employment check, they actually contacted my neighbor to check my credentials.

A Lawless India.

An elderly man got stabbed to death in a Delhi bus as he tried to stop some goons from eve-teasing/pickpocketing. A bus driver somewhere in Bengal got killed by a truck driver who rammed his truck into the driver’s body after he wouldn’t let him pass on a single lane road. A journalist got beaten up by goons whom he tried to stop from molesting a woman.

What the hell is wrong with Indians? For the smallest reason, mobs start going around destroying public property. Road raged people don’t hesitate in killing others over petty matters.

Whether it is shortage of police staff, corruption, or just ineptitude of our law enforcement agencies, you are happy as long as you are not in trouble, because its a free-for-all in this country.

A Rude India.

All along we keep harping about Indian hospitality and politeness, but things seem to have changed now. In the mad rush for survival among the millions of people all over the place, we Indians have forgotten all basic rules of civility and etiquette.

It’s all about me. You can got to hell, but my life is more important, and i need to get my work done first.

Above all, An India that is Home.

India has its shortcomings, but it is home. For all the problems, there is the comfort of knowing that you are in your own country, in your home.

Before moving back, somewhere in my mind i used to have these images of a progressive India where people have begun to care. An India that is poised for greatness. An India that is going to be the next developed country.

All those visions have long fallen down one of the open potholes in Gurgaon.

Our government may shout itself hoarse about the new world order where India needs to be a permanent member of the UN security council, but all that is farcical. India is a poor country where the people don’t have access to basic amenities, where women (or for that matter, anybody) need to think twice before going out, where politicians are busy spending crores on statues while the country rots away in draught, where farmers continue to drink the fertilizer that was supposed to give them rich harvests, where millions of people continue to live in abject poverty while the Shashi Tharoors find shelter in fancy suites in 5-star hotels.

I love my country but love cannot be blind, and i was never one afraid to call a spade a spade. India needs to wake up and do something about the pathetic state of affairs, before it is too late.

All said and done, India is an adventure, and i feel like a little child learning something new everyday. I may crave for the Newyork style pizza from my favorite Ray’s Pizza, but the Gulab Jamuns more than make up for it. Besides, i can finally go to a McDonalds for one of those munchilicious burgers. (The American McDonalds don’t server any Veggie burgers)

Like they say, I’m Loving It.

(All images copyrighted to me)

Stayin’ Alive

amreekandesi — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:43:15 +0000

Folks, i am still in India and i am also still alive. So far i have not gotten into any road rage related incident, and neither have i got injured in a police lathi charge. Apologies for the long silence on this site.

A lot has been happening, and overall i am very happy to be back home. Being in India is a fun experience, but i have yet to get fully settled down, which is the reason for the lack of updates on amreekandesi.

I have a lot to share. My experiences, my impressions, my observations, my frustrations, little things that gladden the heart, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I have sweated like a water tap. I have lost four pounds. I have cursed out loud at the ridiculously idiotic drivers on the roads. I have exhausted the quota of Safeda mangoes, and moved on to the Chausa. I bought a car. I had my dear home theater system’s power supply burn out due to a faulty transformer. I used to sleep less, but these days i am sleeping lesser. I have had occasion to call up 100 (police) for the first time in my life. I travel across three states to get to work, everyday. (See how dramatic i make it sound!)

I have been in India for a month now, and have yet to have a day of complete relaxation. But i am enjoying every moment, and now it feels like i have always been here.

There is so much going on, and i cant wait to write in more detail. Don’t give up on me yet. I will have some longer (and less hastily written) posts soon.

Return to India – Initial Thoughts

amreekandesi — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:24:04 +0000

Last week your favorite blogger moved back to India after spending some many happy years in the United States, adding another dreamy returnee to the reverse brain drain statistic, assuming my brain hasnt evaporated already in the superheated Delhi.

You may ask – why? What the falooda is wrong with me?

I’d say I was missing the safeda mango too much. In the few days I have been in town, I have used up half the city’s supply of Mango. There have been days when I had Mango for breakfast. Only Mango.

Mango Mango king of fruits
How I have missed you.

You are awesome
You are juicy
Without you I was so messed up
I was turning all goofy

As for the US, it is an amazing country. The people are warm and friendly, and happily accept so many immigrants in their midst, in spite of all the cultural and social differences. I wonder if India could ever be so welcoming to outsiders, despite the oft touted atithi devo bhava.

Right now the US may be going into a protectionist mode with all the measures being taken to protect local jobs, but then that’s a different story.

Anyway, protectionism wasn’t the reason I came back. I have happy memories of my time in the country, and am forever grateful for all that I gained in these past years. All, except for the pounds that seem to keep piling up.

Coming back had always been my intention. The plan was to get my education, get some experience, and head back while avoiding getting sucked up into the n+1 syndrome where people keep pushing their return by a year to achieve yet another milestone, and soon their is no turning back.

India may be hot, India may be poor, but it is where I belong. I can go anywhere and do anything without the nagging concerns that come with being an alien in an increasingly paranoid America. I don’t have to worry about visa issues anymore. I don’t have to wonder if i will be able to reenter the US if i go on a cruise to the Bahamas. I don’t have a work permit to restrict me anymore. I can do whatever the hell i want to do with my life.

Professionally India seems very appealing with similar work and salary levels that have risen dramatically since a few years ago. My new employer made a generous offer which helped push me towards the final decision.

Besides, I have had these images of a progressive India that actually cares. Whether this was a mirage or for real, I am in the process of finding out.

Here’s an incredulous observation from week 1. Very likely the first of many more to come.

When I moved to the US, I used to calculate prices in rupees to get some sense of what is costly and what is not. Nowadays everything is so expensive in India, I find myself converting local prices to dollars, and am mostly horrified that in dollar terms, stuff here is priced comparable to US prices.

If you start going by the Purchasing Power Parity (PPP), India sometimes seems more expensive than America!

That, and the fact that the Yamuna is no more. Not in Delhi at least.