8 Lessons for Indian Managers
Today we go through some lessons for our managers in the industry. Any industry. IT. Finance. Education. Farming. These rules apply to them all.
A lot of these tips are inspired by the biggest manager in the country. The great one, who’s been doing it so successfully for many years now. The one who is still standing tall and stiff among what might appear to be the ruins of democracy as envisioned by our forefathers.
Silence is Golden. When in doubt, don’t speak. Go home. Take a leave from office. Eat some samosas. Do anything. Just don’t speak. Better silent than sorry.
People have Short Memories. Don’t worry about public opinion. As long as you dont screw it up by speaking, people will forget. The standard time for Indians is two days, by when one of four things happens and distracts them.
- A new Scam
- A new Movie
- A T20 Match.
- A sale at Big Bazaar
Remember Ghajini? Yes, every Indian is like that. Just that instead of 15 minutes, make it 2 days.
Degrees help. When in doubt, remind people of your degrees. Invaluable in India. Anything is forgiven for a man with more than two degrees.
The Buck NEVER Stops. Whoever came up with the buck stops here was a bloody liar. The buck is circulate-able. You can make it go into an infinite loop.
Master the art of passing the buck, and nobody can ever touch you. Ever.
Scapegoats are worth their weight in gold. When all else fails, a good manager must have someone available who will take the blame. Be prepared to offer something in return.
We are Indians. Nothing comes for free.
Don’t speak. Did we mention the importance of silence?
Silence isn’t just golden. It’s platinum. No, Uranium.
They did it first. It is fine to do something that might seem wrong, as long as it has been done before, especially by those liable to question you.
As long as you can find a precedent, preferably attributable to the people opposing you, nothing can touch you.
Inaction is action. Sitting over things often makes them go away. It has been suspected that this was going to be published as Newton’s fourth law but somehow didn’t happen.
Just don’t do it. Stow away that letter in a file in the bank locker. Move that email to a folder you never access. In 2011 alone, so far 45,000 customer escalations across service firms have got resolved automatically through inaction.
There. Remember these, and you will rise all the way to the top of whatever you do. And remember to send me a thank you note. And maybe the keys to a nice Bentley.
[Image courtesy: The Office. The Greatest show on TV ever. After Friends. And Shaktiman.]