8 Lessons for Indian Managers

June 9, 2011
By

Today we go through some lessons for our managers in the industry. Any industry. IT. Finance. Education. Farming. These rules apply to them all.

A lot of these tips are inspired by the biggest manager in the country. The great one, who’s been doing it so successfully for many years now. The one who is still standing tall and stiff among what might appear to be the ruins of democracy as envisioned by our forefathers.

Silence is Golden. When in doubt, don’t speak. Go home. Take a leave from office. Eat some samosas. Do anything. Just don’t speak. Better silent than sorry.

People have Short Memories. Don’t worry about public opinion. As long as you dont screw it up by speaking, people will forget. The standard time for Indians is two days, by when one of four things happens and distracts them.

  • A new Scam
  • A new Movie
  • A T20 Match.
  • A sale at Big Bazaar

Remember Ghajini? Yes, every Indian is like that. Just that instead of 15 minutes, make it 2 days.

Degrees help. When in doubt, remind people of your degrees. Invaluable in India. Anything is forgiven for a man with more than two degrees.

The Buck NEVER Stops. Whoever came up with the buck stops here was a bloody liar. The buck is circulate-able. You can make it go into an infinite loop.

Master the art of passing the buck, and nobody can ever touch you. Ever.

Scapegoats are worth their weight in gold. When all else fails, a good manager must have someone available who will take the blame. Be prepared to offer something in return.

We are Indians. Nothing comes for free.

Don’t speak. Did we mention the importance of silence?

Silence isn’t just golden. It’s platinum. No, Uranium.

They did it first. It is fine to do something that might seem wrong, as long as it has been done before, especially by those liable to question you.

As long as you can find a precedent, preferably attributable to the people opposing you, nothing can touch you.

Inaction is action. Sitting over things often makes them go away. It has been suspected that this was going to be published as Newton’s fourth law but somehow didn’t happen.

Just don’t do it. Stow away that letter in a file in the bank locker. Move that email to a folder you never access. In 2011 alone, so far 45,000 customer escalations across service firms have got resolved automatically through inaction.

There. Remember these, and you will rise all the way to the top of whatever you do. And remember to send me a thank you note. And maybe the keys to a nice Bentley.

[Image courtesy: The Office. The Greatest show on TV ever. After Friends. And Shaktiman.]

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10 Responses to “ 8 Lessons for Indian Managers ”

  1. Amlistening on June 11, 2011 at 1:29 am

    Haha..
    Lovof your image note. Also the stab on “buck stops here”. feeling excited abt being a manager now.
    I miss The Office and Jim , Pam, and ofcourse Michael

  2. Rajinder on June 16, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    liked the lessons to be emulated for easy life/going….seen many managers do such things also.Nicely presented the general behaviour of most of the managers

  3. mugdha on June 17, 2011 at 12:57 am

    True. Silence is golden and everything beyond any Card.
    And thats why we need twitter more-so in office to rant what is not audible from behind our grinding teeth.

    And rest works too. As nicely, as its been put.

    • amreekandesi on June 19, 2011 at 5:19 pm

      Yup…just need to keep your Twitter identity hidden from the colleagues if you are to rant against them :P

  4. Yuvi on July 4, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Dude !! You are awesome.
    Hats-off to you Blog.The Greatest blog on internet ever. After Twitter. And Google. Wait..

  5. Yuvi on July 4, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    Dude !! You are awesome.
    Hats-off to your Blog post.The Greatest blog on internet ever. After Twitter. And Google. Wait..

  6. Paul Sunstone on July 5, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Amazing! These eight lessons for Indian managers are identical to what American managers practice. It is refreshing to see that high standards are everywhere these days.

  7. Nishtha on December 12, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    after shaktiman..absolutely! DD zindabad

  8. Nishtha on December 12, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    after shaktiman..absolutely! DD zindabad
    reading about silence made me go back to my grad days when a typical utterly punjabi classmate of mine use to follow that and ascertain that with a witty statement “ek chup sau sukh”

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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