10 Rules for Driving on Indian Roads
Alright people, print this out and stick it on a wall in front of your desk. Print bumper stickers if you like. Forward this to all friends, foes and colleagues.
The following tips will save your life. They will make you the king of Indian roads. Nobody will ever overtake you again. Not in life. Not on the road. Here’s 10 rules for driving on Indian roads. Based on careful analysis derived from personal experiences, market research and interviews, primarily with myself.
Read, and remember. And rule.
1. In a road accident, the one with the cheaper vehicle wins by default. If a BMW hits a rickshaw, it must be the fault of the rich brat most likely on cocaine.
2. It is perfectly acceptable to suddenly go across 3 lanes if you suddenly remember that you need to take a right turn. What else will you do?
3. Drunk driving is fine, as long as you have the connections.
4. If at an intersection you fail to move within a second of the light turning green, the person behind has the right to shoot you.
5. Backing down halfway from flyovers is acceptable.
6. If going wrong side saves you anything more than 200m worth of distance, then it is allowed. Rickshaws are exempted from this limit.
7. No rules apply to motorbikes. Really. Overtake from any side. Drive on the road. On the pavement. Over people. It is all ok.
8. Cyclists must pray to their respective gods before leaving the home. No other way out.
9. When in doubt, use the horn. [Which truly must be the best human invention since the mobile phone.]
10. Work like you don’t need money, Love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like no one’s watching, and drive like noone’s waiting back home.
Because driving should be fun. For the man who doesn’t have to try, err, too hard.