The Secret Diary of Rahul Baba

March 1, 2015
By

I just love being on a sabbatickle. Take a long leave. Go to the mountains. Relax. Though I must say English is a funny language. Not sure what’s the relation of a leave from work with tickling. Anyways.

Sure my mother wasn’t too thrilled when I said I want to take a break. She was like ‘but the Parliament session is starting and the budget is coming up.’ I told her to chill. The jet deal is far from getting finalised. We’ve lived so many years with the Mig-21, surely a few weeks won’t hurt. Not sure why she slapped her head when I said this. She can get a bit melodramatic at times.

We spend our time focusing on all the wrong things. What we really need is women liberation. If only our country could understand me.

rahul-gandhi

Being away from Delhi is great. I spent the day walking on the highway singing ‘Deewana mai chala, use dhoondhne bade pyaar se‘. I was in such a romantic mood, singing happily and walking with my backpack. Unfortunately nobody offered me a lift, and a group of women carrying big piles of something on their heads ran away when I called out to them. Maybe I should have shaved before I left home.

I am so glad I did this. The politics of Delhi were getting sickening. All a man wants to do is some reform and build up grassroots support for the party but mummy comes in with Digvijaya uncle and Mani uncle and they lecture me on how it is so important to win elections. Arre come on boss. Elections happen every few years. I want to travel to our small towns and build up the party. I want to drink the water they do. I want to run in their pretty sarson fields like Shahrukh Khan in DDLJ. I want to empower their women. And these people just keep harping on about elections. There is more to politics than winning elections.

I told mummy that I need a leave; that I can’t do it anymore. She started sobbing and was going to start her ‘power is poison’ speech again when I quickly escaped saying that I needed to take a leak. Bhai, that is one deadly speech. The first time i heard it i asked what did Sharad uncle do. Anyways, I have heard it so many times now that I remember it by heart. Plus she has gotten really good at it after doing it so many times. You do something from your heart and then get to hear that deadly speech. Who said life is fair?

There are so many things I want to do. I want to empower our women. I want to work at the grassroots level. I want to find out all about grass and its roots, otherwise how can I do it? But tell that to my party. Mummy never even lets me get near the lawn, insisting that maali bhaiya will take care of it.

As for the Parliament session, I agree the timing is not good but what I want to do for the nation is much bigger. It takes vision boss. I can’t stay in Delhi enjoying sitting in air-conditioned Parliament halls when the rest of the country lives in poverty.

What will my legacy be? That I was a handsome man who worried so much about India? That I empowered our women? That I had a vision for the future and implemented it? That I revolutionised the Congress party and won election after election?

All of this will require a lot of planning which can’t be done staying home with so many distractions. Sometime it is mummy shouting at me, sometime it is all the random parties to which I get invited, or sometimes it is jiju coming over to give advice, while I get distracted by his biceps. He does everything in acres, even biceps.

Our country needs a lot of work but we stay stuck in petty things. I went to a shop to get a bottle of water and he wouldn’t accept any credit cards. Took out a five hundred note and the guy asked for exact change. I told him boss you want change. I am here just to give you change, but stop worrying about these small things. The guy just got excited and started shouting funny things in Hindi. This is what the opposition parties have done to our country.

There is a lot of work that I need to do. Too much pressure boss. And I think I’ve left my mobile charger at home.

I miss Dominos.

I wonder if they will deliver here. But what if my phone dies?

Wait, why are those dogs running in my direction? Did that shopkeeper just set them after me? Mummy!!

[Image courtesy: Firstpost]

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2 Responses to “ The Secret Diary of Rahul Baba ”

  1. BJP UP on March 4, 2015 at 10:38 am

    VERY NICE TOPIC DEAR KEEP GOING SUPERB

  2. Shubham Agarwal on January 20, 2016 at 9:29 pm

    The reason why Rahul Gandhi is the PAPPU of india!

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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