Open Letter to Rahul Gandhi

April 7, 2013
By

Dear Rahul ji,

Boss, you’ve done it. You’ve shown India that there was a reason the world didn’t end last year as predicted by the Mayans – because we had to see your magic before the world meets its maker.

I have to tell you a story first. My maid came to me yesterday and said she wants a 20% raise. I said ‘Bhai, what happened suddenly? What will you do with so much money?‘ She said that she wants her kids to become pilots.

I said ‘Boss, that’s not gonna happen. Becoming a pilot takes too long, you’ll need a lot of money, and they will teach him how to drop mail from the plane.  What if a large parcel lands on top of your jhuggi? Do you want to make him a pilot or a murderer?

She looked at me with a bemused expression and said, ‘Sir i just wanted a simple answer‘. I laughed loudly at the ignorant woman. She has yet to realize that we are not China, for there to be simple answers. We are a complex nation of complaining people, which also explains why she cribs so much about her salary (3000 per month) being too less. Next she will ask for Starbucks coffee as the Diwali bonus. Not gonna happen.

rahul-gandhi-dimples

I think THIS attitude is our problem. Our people are too naive to understand the complex environment we live in. They complain, but about all the wrong things. No electricity. No water. No law and order. Dals being too expensive. Potatoes being Rs 15 per kilo. The latest iPhone being launched in India a few months after the US launch….

Boss, aise to kuch nahi ho sakta. Our people need to rise above these trivial things, and complain about bigger things, like improving our image in the eyes of MIT grads or making the Chinese feel frightened of our INSAS rifles and Arjun tanks. Instead, they keep harping on about imaginary scandals and scams that TV channels keep making up.

They don’t know that our power is already out there and getting appreciated in yoga studios and chicken tikka masala servings. That India’s power is shining off the Oscar statuettes won by Slumdog Millionaire. They won’t even appreciate that the western world has moved beyond its perception of Indians going to office on elephants now, and have realized that we also have cars and scooters.

Don’t care about these people, yaar. They are all probably jealous because you are the youngest 42 year old to become the Indian almost-PM, while they are just busy changing diapers on their crying babies.

You know what, I’ve had my share of frustration as well, but hearing you this week has changed it all. You were such a picture of poise. That shiny kurta pajama stood out like a shiny beacon of peace and hope amidst tie wearing suited-buited business people. So resplendent. So smart. It was like witnessing the two Indias come together seamlessly to combine their energies. I am seriously considering going to work in kurta pajamas from now on. Comfortable, light, and white (the color every Indian body part aspires to). Perfect for IT guys who spend their nights in the office. Great for sleeping through boring meetings.

Talking of energy, i was fascinated by your comment about our ancestors worshiping rivers to get their energies. It just makes sense, but i am a bit scared of getting near the water of the Yamuna. It is dirty, and devoid of any life. Plus i am worried that i’ll pass out from the terrible stench of untreated sewage in the river.

Which is just so sad. Here you are giving clear ideas on what needs to be done, and i am so utterly incapable of doing any of that. I think I may just be everything that is wrong with the country. It’s all my fault. We are supposed to be a bee hive of energy, but we just behave like bees on our roads, which are buzzing with road-rage. Just yesterday, i got rear-ended by a biker who made me apologize for coming in his way when he was talking on the phone.

But i think i am doing some things right. I listened with interest when you talked about Indians being optimist, even  when living half a dozen people to a single room. Boss, optimism is everything. I am an optimist. My optimism is what allows me to leave the home every morning knowing that i have a long commute ahead, and our roads are so unsafe. Optimism makes millions of people watch Uttaran every night hoping for something happy to happen on the depressing TV show.

But you’re right. We can not expect a man on a horse to come in and solve our problems. Nobody rides horses anymore. Unless you were talking about someone riding two horses together, in which case i always knew that Ajay Devgun had something special about him.

son-of-sardar

This is so exciting.

Another great point you raised was about opening up the voice of the people to see what comes out. Clearly a reference to Twitter. Indeed, it is awesome. Did you know that you were trending for a few days after your speech? Just a one-hour speech and you trend. And to think that there are lesser people who live their entire lives in the hope of trending one day. Stupid, but optimist. Halfway there!

Chalo boss, i’ll have to signoff now. Take care of those dimples, and try shaadi.com. Who knows you might find a worthy life partner who’ll spur you on to bigger things. Because boss, how else will you understand the complexity of millions of married men and women in our country?

– A fan.

[PS: Full text of the historic speech is available here. You can also watch a video here]

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24 Responses to “ Open Letter to Rahul Gandhi ”

  1. Atul Kumar on April 7, 2013 at 1:41 am

    Do you really see any hope , be it Ra Ga or Na Mo do you really feel that there will be any change in this country.We as a nation have always reacted to a crisis , be it economic reforms or national defense or for that matter even our national cricket team.Now one thing is certain we have not yet reached a flash point or crisis so it will be wastage of time to expect anything from our ruling elite.The very same people namely corporation who are clamoring for Na Mo will be dead against him if he does something that goes against them.In this country I don’t see individuals as problems be it Ra Ga or Na Mo or any other

    • Nikhil on April 7, 2013 at 3:19 am

      You, sir, are in the land of make believe. Rahul baba is indeed God’s own avatar on this bleeding Earth. Please realize it.

    • Harry Haridas on September 29, 2014 at 8:39 pm

      We have given 67 years to Ra Ga family , so please wait for atleast 5 years to see the Modi effect in India

  2. Nikhil on April 7, 2013 at 3:15 am

    We foolish, ignorant people keep on ranting about lame, imaginary and made-up stuff like corruption, scandals, inflation, abuse of power and authority, water and electricity problems. Whereas, we need to realize that we are experiencing a mirage of sorts, and try to come out of it. So, what we should actually be doing is buying more Dassaults and some more rifles, to flex our muscles. We should also pray and do namaskar to our rivers.
    Rahul baba talked remarkably about hearing the voices of people. Yes, he meant the Twitter and Facebook, of course ! Duh. He has always been in and out of discussions on these social networking sites, and mostly been THE bone of contention. Most people start swearing, mudslinging and all. Ah, those ignorant fools ! Their life’s a waste. Rahul baba is our savior, and I dont understand why these dumbasses dont accept it.

    And, the most important point now. He is very young, in the first place. Just 42 years old. And, he is the almost-PM ! At such a young age ! And with such noble values, humble beliefs, incredibly awesome logic and rationale !
    Let me make this very clear, and let you know, that if he assumes the office, which I dont presume but actually KNOW that it will happen soon, we will be the world leader in everything important like cricket, paneer and chicken tikka masalas, IT-software-outsourcing sectors and a lot more, by the end of this decade. After all, we have the country in the safest and most capable hands.

    I hope everyone realizes this, and votes only for him. LONG LIVE RAUL VINCI..Oops, I meant RAHUL BABA GANDHI.

  3. ms on April 7, 2013 at 10:01 am

    i feel we are on the brink of history-making event: the nehru jacket is being replaced by the rahul kurta-pajama. i envision a day when they will say “and the man was dressed in an RKP made out of spiderweb silk, matched by a scarf of wheat-husk”. but, i digress. to more important matters now – rahul baba must watch out, he is slowly acquiring the marieantoinette syndrome (have no bread then eat cake waali woman) by advising the suicidal farmer types that IT is the way forward, telling the scared-out-of-her-wits women that he is there for them.

  4. Narendra Vikram Sing on April 7, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    Except for a brief spell of 6/7 yrs when Congress was not ruling India since independence in 1947 ie 66 yrs we really are have a Cong party rule Rahul should be made to realise this& yet he is complaining. The fact is greatness has been thrust upon by him by virtue of being a Gandhi.& our Cong Chamchas who have & are still benifiting I repeat again we Indians are Idiots we have been ruled by white skin & yet to get out of this inferiorty complex.
    The Country is in this state because of Cong. misrule over a period of almost 60 yrs of Cong misrule.

  5. Purva Iyengar on July 30, 2013 at 10:47 am

    We all know where these posts come from… AND HOW! You are a riot!! Kisi din pakad ke jail mein band kar denge tab vaheen se Nehru jee ki tarah likha karna.. kehne ka matlab hai… likhna zaroor…

    • Narendra Vikramsingh on December 9, 2013 at 9:11 pm

      Anger of people is now before cong if RG/SG do not see it now the crushing blow will be there in2014 general elections. Arrogance made Gandhis not realise people’s anger when water cannons tear gas and lathies were rained on peaceful protesters in Dec 16 2014 rape case

  6. Narendra Vikramsingh on December 26, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    What a farce nehru Gandhi khandaan makes Adarsh report rejected Meira Kumar gets2 vvip bungalows rent of approx 2 cr withdrawn.At this rate over time all lutyens bungalows will become memorials yet RG talks he is serious on removing corruption

  7. Narendra Vikramsingh on December 26, 2013 at 11:38 pm

    We stupid Indians having been ruled by white skin for more than 200 years have yet to come out of that inferiority complex though India got independence in 1947 we stil worship white skin the most recent is Khobragade case can this Cong govt party born out of Nehru can even dream of treating a lady that to a diplomat of any foreign country treat the way Khobragade was treated by US. If not for the public anger this cong Govt would have accepted this treatment but for the severe loss in the election was another lesson to congress. Recollect RG speech in parliament when after Anna agitation he said no to LokPal bill but because of cong mauling in 4 states he was begging all to pass LokPal bill also recollect what Lalu said Kya hum ye bill pass karke apney gale mey phasin ka phanda laga ley.USA has with drawn dedicated parking of Indian diplomats in Feb yet this Cong Govt till date did not react our foreign minister only kept saying we are in talks(since Feb )our Honorable PM the less said the better In 2014 we are getting an opportunity to exercise our options as to who should govern us lets exercise our voting maturely or live like animals for another 5 years

  8. […] to a rant made by my drunk friend who can only talk in English when drunk, not otherwise. http://amreekandesi.com/2013/04/07/open-letter-to-rahul-gandhi/ Boss, boss-boss too much ho gaya idhar. Sorry. […]

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