Open Letter to Shri Robert Vadra

October 7, 2012
By

Dear Shri Robert Vadra ji,

I know you’re in the news for corruption and tax evasion charges, but don’t let that bog you down. You are bigger than that, and we are with you. And of course, there’s the union cabinet to take care of that. Salman hai na? [I am guessing that in the inner party circles, he goes as son-in-law minister. Hee hee.]

But on a serious note, you are such an inspiration, man.

You know how everybody has their life-changing moments? Buddha had it below than Banyan tree. Newton had it when that apple fell on his head. Poonam Pandey when she realized her best talent was taking her clothes off. Similarly, mine was when i saw a sign at the airport listing out the most important people in India, the ones exempted from getting their balls cupped by CISF officers.

President. Prime Minister. Cabinet Ministers. Chief Justice. Shri Robert Vadra.

Man, this must be an order of magnitude bigger than getting AIR 1 in IITJEE, 100 percentile in CAT and topping the civil services exam. In the same year. Mumma must be so proud.

Dude, you’re such a rockstar. And i felt important when Continental airlines sent me a one-time pass to the premium lounge. What a loser.

But i guess you were destined for greatness. Your mom was of Scottish origin, and dad an Indian. Always the mark of a great man to marry a foreigner, and i guess it also fit into the whole Gandhi family theme. But clearly, if there’s one thing you did well, it was getting married to Priyanka ji. Very nice lady she is, tall, charismatic, short hair and all that.

While most Indian men dream of marrying a woman who can get them a crore in dowry, you went long. And how. Good job there.

Don’t get me wrong, i am not like those stupid BJP walas, ranting against you. I truly adore you man. Your journey is going to inspire men and women for many centuries.

I mean, you got the airport frisking exemption even before the chiefs of our defense services. That is so FREAKING AWESOME.

Of course, you are not all about being the first-son-in-law of the country. There’s more to you. Like spending time in the gym to give a complex to Salman and Hrithik. You’re forty and have a six pack of abs. I am 32 and my lungs turn into the Agni missile if i dare run a kilometer. You already have a mustache. I say you should shoot for the lead role in Dabangg 2.

Oh, and i love your 1800cc motorcycle. Even my car doesn’t have that many CCs. But then, the national jamai has to live in style, so it is cool. Kitna deti hai, btw?

There’s so much to you. I think you are doing a great job of removing gender stereotypes that crappy shows like Balika Vadhu are creating. There the bahus spend their time cooking, looking good and taking care of the family name. Here, you are making sure you look good, while taking care of the family name. This is just so sweet. I would do chubby cheeks to you, if i could.

Along the way, you’ve also built yourself a business empire. Stakes in hotels, apartments all over the place, everything totaling hundreds of crores. Excellent example for unmarried budding entrepreneurs. Just one suggestion – you should consider putting up those apartments for rent. Some supplemental income never hurts.

Awesome, man. Awesome. Very impressive.

Achha, one last thing. I hear you got a 10,000 square feet apartment in Gurgaon for 89 lakh. Boss, this is god-level bargaining skills. How did you manage? When i tried, they wouldn’t sell me an apartment a tenth of that size for that much. Can you please help getting that discount? Perhaps if we find ten other people, DLF might even give us a group discount and make it even cheaper.

Chalo boss, that’s it for now. Take care, keep rocking, and don’t worry about Kejriwal, the BJP, or Indian people. We forgot about Bofors, we’ve forgotten CWG, we’ve forgotten 2G, we’ll forget Coal G, we’ll forget JIJA JI as well.

[Image courtesy: India Today]

Disclaimer: Dear Kapil Sibal ji, i just mean this in good humor. If you are considering putting me in jail for this silly satirical post, please note that Suresh Raina’s nephew wrote it.]

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82 Responses to “ Open Letter to Shri Robert Vadra ”

  1. Ranju Bhat on October 12, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Rockstar, indeed!! Robert Vadra does bear a striking resemblance to Freddie Mercury, the late singer of the British Rock Group Queen — a Parsi who grew up in Panchgani, India.

  2. Smita Gulati on October 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

    WoW ! Thats all I have to say !

  3. Rams sita on October 12, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    It goes to prove that if Indians are given a proper oppurtunity, even the uneducated make it big, don’t have to be in the U.S. for that.

  4. Radha on October 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Long ago, nehruji has planted a tree somwhere in Kashmir. A tree that grows its roots all over India. A root of curruption. Like any loving father he made his daughter the first institutionally currupt politician. The tree has only grown bigger. With bigger roots in the name of Sonia, Rahul, Vadra, Raja….. Now it has started eating into our own environment once fiercely protected by great saints. And there goes our tradition.
    Our our nature of forgiving remains intact. What a pity!

    • INDIAN on October 14, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      Whenever i walk on the roads, I really hate to see the bloody statues of those who belong to GANDHI, NEHRU Families.. They almost sucked the blood of Bharatmata till the last drop. TRAITORS…

  5. Tom on October 13, 2012 at 12:14 am

    Loved the disclaimer…lol Raina’s nephew hogs the limelight!
    truly sarcastic, keep going!

  6. pratibha on October 13, 2012 at 1:01 am

    osm… hats off

  7. b k chowla on October 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

    You know what do some people do in “Chuloo Bhar Pasni……”

  8. Nitin Panchmal on October 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I dont think Vadra has the ability to comprehend what you have written. Nice pun though…. BTW, the interesting part is that none of the Gandhi family have come in open defense. It is the cronies who are coming on TV and defending them. The one’s who are totally unconnected to Vadra. Strange country and strange people!

  9. Ramakrishna Chary on October 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    Reached your post by accident. Couldn’t be more satirical. Love the way you written it.

  10. ub4v on October 14, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Please add.
    It must have been too painful to lose entire family nee in entering family G, a bridal duty heaped on a macho you quite unbridled.

    • sreenivas A on October 14, 2012 at 3:19 pm

      sreenivas chennai
      now that congress has done a good job by training the entire family how to steal the country and to sell it to Italy , Swissair land,america they are now doing research to sell all the Indians as slaves to these countries by bringing in Fdi

  11. AJIT SINGH on October 15, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    HE IS IN FACT ROBBER VADRA LIKE HIS MOTHER IN LAW AND LATE FATHER IN LAW……………!!

  12. S.R.Ayyangar on October 18, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Good one. If at all you receive reply from Vadra, ask him the magic with which he hooked Priyanka!!

  13. ASHOK PANDE on October 21, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    please also ask RV TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT HIS SUCESS SO THAT WE ALL CAN FOLLOW

  14. Vinay Pai Bachodi on October 23, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Great Great Great! Great Humour..well done

  15. Narendra Vikram Sing on October 24, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    Wish you write a open letter to Vijay Mallya now better known as the founder Chairman of Kingfisher Airlines and his son to whom he had gifted this Airline on his 18 birthday (Licence Suspended) .RV has got away with a very small Loot of a few hundred Cr that also without really making the Indian Govt poor as compared to Mallya. Mallya is one person who by his clever strategy will make the Public Sector Banks Poorer by almost 8000 crores with hardly any chance of recovering the 8000 Cr loaned to his KFAirlines even though he has assets of 22500 Cr He pledged shares of KFA at about 300 to 400 percent of the then Market price of approx Rs.30 which today are languishing at around Rs.10.His Cheques have been regularly bouncing given to different govt/Airport /other creditors At a time when the KFA licence was likely to be suspended he left India quietly and his son was either playing beach volleyball with 12 bikini clad women /selecting models for KF calender /rushing to a pub in London
    Wishing you best of writing

  16. B S MANJUNATH .................. B S MANJUNATH on October 25, 2012 at 11:47 am

    : As long as there are sychopants – the most educated and onece upon a time brilliant in their carreer and considered renwoned experts – have become dumb – Dr Manmohan Singh, Kapil Sibal, Chidambaram… they are brilliants…ALAS thier intelligence has become perverted, they all have become dumb and national interests are sacrificed for the sake of protecting the Lady & family….cannot imagine why so ??? Most unfortunate…. It looks as if the lesser educated and lesser inteeligent will be lesser evils to the society.

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  18. Pavan on August 14, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    Awesome dude, you nailed it.

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  20. Neeraj on April 28, 2014 at 10:48 am

    Kapil Sibal won’t put you in Jail but he will definitely put Mr Modi in a new controversy because this article is a conspiracy of BJP and fully communal. You asked us to subscribe to “RSS” feed not INC/JIJA/GANDHI Feed :-)

  21. ganesh on April 29, 2014 at 11:01 pm

    Dear Amreekandesi,

    You just cured me of my one month long depression. Thanks man! I cannot stop laughing!

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