For a Nobel Cause

October 11, 2014
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There have been many immortal gestures of love and peace in human history. Shahjahan building Tajmahal for his wife. Gandhi ji leading peaceful marches straight into the waiting lathis of evil British occupiers. Rocky going to Russia, beating their robot of a boxer, winning over the commies and helping end the Cold War. Shahrukh Khan traveling to Punjab to woo Kajol in DDLJ. Heart-warming stories of how the human spirit overpowers hatred and cruelty to spread love all around.

There’s a new one. The Nobel foundation has conferred this year’s Peace prize to Pakistan’s Malala and India’s Kailash Satyarthi.

An Indian and a Pakistani sharing the Nobel peace award at a time when the two countries are busy exchanging mortal shells at the border in a much-above-ordinary escalation of tensions!

laureates-2014

India and Pakistan winning the award jointly, in a week when they’ve been busy going at each other’s throats? (Of course the award is for the nations, not the individuals. Don’t be naive.) If irony were a person, her eyes would be popping out like a jack-in-the-box. If this award were a person, you’d want to totally pinch her adorable pink cheeks and give her a loving kiss on the forehead. If the Nobel foundation were human, it would be Alok Nath, dutifully giving sanskari bahu Pakistan’s hand in India’s warm hands, blessing them for a happy life together.

This is such a wonderful gesture to bring back the warring nations comprising of people who look the same, talk in similar tongues, listen to the same pirated Bollywood music, love to hate Bilawal Bhutto, and have equally useless politicians. Two countries that were one, but then got split up by an evil quirk of fate.

That’s not all. They even made it a message about secularism and love between different religions.

“The Nobel Committee regards it as an important point for a Hindu and a Muslim, an Indian and a Pakistani, to join in a common struggle for education and against extremism.”

I think I have tears in my eyes. So good to see someone being secular again. It had started to feel like secularism is dead ever since the Congress government got voted out. After Christian Obama, they gave the award to a Hindu and a Muslim.

This can only mean one thing. Next year’s award will go to a Sikh! Bring your hands together for Manmohan Singh sir, the most educated, most honest, most noble person India has ever seen. Of course he deserves the Nobel peace prize.

Back to the Nobel foundation – just how adorable are they? They saw that India and Pakistan were becoming the two bitchy sisters from Uttaran and immediately stepped in to sort things out. After all we can’t afford this tension dragging on for 2688 episodes. What was the best way out? Give a joint peace prize. Bring us together and stop the ongoing mini-war so that the world doesn’t have to watch the two brothers kill each other.

I can already see the movement gathering momentum. Wasting no time, Malala has invited Nawaz Sharif and Narendra Modi to come for the award ceremony and kiss and make up then and there. Aww, how adorable. Our Indian 17 year olds are either busy playing on their PS2 or slogging for IITJEE, and here this little girl has won the Nobel peace prize, the biggest prize any peaceful person can get, and is now selflessly spreading the message of love.

It is just a matter of time now. Any day now the warring nations will become one, and Sania Mirza won’t have to live in Dubai anymore. Rahat Fateh Ali won’t need to worry about customs anymore. I hope Indian Railways is already planning out how they will manage the train routes across the border. I can’t wait to board the Rajdhani to Lahore.

I humbly request our great leaders to immediately start the process of revoking the partition and bringing Ram and Shyam together. Because together we can. On their own Karan and Arjun were nothing, but together they became an unstoppable force and the evil Durjan Singh had no chance.

I say the Nobel foundation should give next year’s Peace prize to itself for this act of genius.

[Image courtesy: nobelpeaceprize.org]

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2 Responses to “ For a Nobel Cause ”

  1. Amlistening on October 11, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    Interesting extrapolations AD….but I thought peace prize is for restoring peace and clearly there is no peace situation right now…I think this is a back dated award or noble committee is just running out of success stories to award

  2. Nikhil on December 17, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    Awesome post! I loved it.
    But the terrorist strikes yesterday put the whole thing in perspective. Change is needed!

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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