Baba Ramdev’s Plan for Saving India

June 2, 2011
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We’ve managed to lay our hands on what we believe is Baba Ramdev’s blueprint for India. Check out his ten steps that will change the face of India and rid the nation of all evil. And marvel at the genius.

1. Every Indian to perform pranayam every morning for 10 minutes. 20 times Lom Anulom (per nostril) as soon as you get up.

2. Government to publish rate lists for every public office, with the charges for various activities clearly displayed at the entrance. For example at the electricity office: New connection – Rs 10000. Faulty meter – Rs 3000, and so on. This would save citizens much heartburn on finding out they were overcharged because they didnt know the going rate.

3. No more foreign goods. No Nike. No Pepsi. No Katrina Kaif.

4. Every public announcement to first get approved by eminent personalities on Twitter. Any new proposal to be finalized only after getting a sign-off from at least twenty Twitterati, each with a minimum of 5000 followers.

Oh, and Twitter comes under the foreign goods category. TCS to be commissioned to write an Indian version of Twitter.

5. Schools in Bihar and Maharashtra to start a cultural exchange program called Manoos Bhaiyya. Kids from Patna and Mumbai to travel to each other’s cities, and learn more about the local culture.

6. Solitaire to be banned, with any violations punishable with death by drowning in the Yamuna. Getting rid of this evil Microsoft game is estimated to improve productivity across government and private sector offices by at least 75%.

7. Dowry to be legalized. And made taxable. People do it anyway; let the government makes some money out of it. At 30%, Andhra alone estimated to gain annual revenues of Rs 10 lakh crores just through the dowry tax. Distribute this to the poor farmers, and no one will ever commit suicide again.

8. Prominent news channel anchors to be given magisterial and police powers. This will enable them to deliver instant justice, instead of having to deliberate for weeks with experts and show two second clips a million times to convince viewers.

Say a journalist conducts a sting operation and finds anyone guilty of evil-doing, they will have the power to arrest them, conduct an on-the-spot trial, send to jail, and in the rarest of rare cases, shoot them point blank.

9. “Mere Baap Ka Beta Chor Hai.” Anybody found guilty of corruption to be immediately branded on the forehead. The power to do this will also be given to managers in private sector firms who will be able to perform this on anybody found submitting fake bills for reimbursement.

10. Television to be banned. Yes, you heard it right. All the ills of modern society are being spread by TV. No more soap operas, no more morally corrupt deodorant ads, no more Roadies. This alone will fix half of our problems.

Foolproof as it may seem, if by any chance this plan does not work then Shri Rajnikanth to be brought in to repeat the nation-saving act he so successfully demonstrated in Sivaji – The Boss.

Bam! Satyuga, here we come.

[We are all for the anti corruption movement, and have full faith in Baba Ramdev’s charismatic power. This post is just a satirical look at the corruption that has gotten so ingrained in our daily lives. There is too much to be fixed, and cynicism has now become as embedded in our minds as corruption. Here’s wishing the good baba all the best in his efforts.]

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10 Responses to “ Baba Ramdev’s Plan for Saving India ”

  1. Purvesh Janee on June 2, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Bhaag Bhaag Dk Bose Dk Bose Dk Bose Dk Bose …… Satyug Aane Wala Hai :) Awesome Post !

  2. Kiran @ KiranTarun.com on June 2, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    Baba, don’t preach :D

    • techiemonk on June 15, 2011 at 9:24 am

      in democracy baba too have the right to preach/express himself ..

  3. Pattu on June 3, 2011 at 9:00 am

    //Prominent news channel anchors to be given magisterial and police powers. This will enable them to deliver instant justice, instead of having to deliberate for weeks with experts and show two second clips a million times to convince viewers//
    I take a vow to do pranayama every day for half an hour , if any of the TV guys access your blog page.

    :-)

    Hilarious.

  4. Mirza Ghalib on June 4, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    Congress delinquents are already spreading rumours that Baba Ramdev is BJP sponsored candidate. Both BJP and Baba Ramdev must publicly make it clear that eliminating corruption and bringing black money from foreign banks – ia a SECULAR agenda.Congress already hired Shah Rukh Khan to denounce Baba.

  5. Nalni Sharma on June 6, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    I do not see what is wrong with what Baba Ramdev is saying. Maybe if you try to look at the point of view he is coming from then it would make sense. Firstly about the pranayam, people are so laz these days that there are problems of people being over weight. Doing pranayam is very healthy and indeed you will live a longer and healthier your life. And about the foriegn goods, if you buy goods that are not from you country, then it negatively affects your economy. By buying Indian goods, the money is coming back into our own economy. I’m pretty sure you uys have learned that. And how cares about brand name clothing. Thank god that you even have clothes to wear unlike many people who, unfortunately, have to wear the same clothes over and over again. And why are you crying about pepsi when there is tumbsup and limca? And dowry happens secretly in many places so why not legalize it? And definately, people who are stealing, killing, or harming others should be punished. Furthermore about the television, it did not exist a few years back and we are already so dependent of it. And yes, if you do not know, and you should know, television does influence you for the worst or the better. Banding it may seem really harsh, but look at what our world has come to.

    And if someone does not have anything nice to say, than it would be polite and respectful that if you do not make negative comments. :)

  6. Rajinder on June 6, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    nice post.Baba should add in his agenda also that all the cash deposited in the banks should attract maximum rate of taxation at source at the time of deposit itself instead of withdrawal of currency notes of Rs,500 and Rs,1000. This will bring lot of revenue to the Govt also besides acting as a deterrent for accumulation of black money and will encourage more use of plastic money.

  7. arun pannalal on June 10, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    baba do not try to copy freedom fighters you are nowhere near them. It was raw courage in purest distilled form when english troops lathi charged they stood still with bleeding heads, not able to take more they fell there some dead, they did not run away from their andolan(or beleif) any way this time we will be collecting petticoats for you to hide, just in case salwar kameez runs out of stock.

    • techiemonk on June 15, 2011 at 9:35 am

      can u help me by defining “freedom fighters” ??

      as per my history knowledge many of freedom fighters in Indian Freedom Movement too have saved their life in order to serve the nation . (Chandrashekar Azad ,Sukhdev )

      In my opinion escape of Baba Ramdev was a prudent step for the nation as what all we witnessed in Ramlila Maidan was undemocratic and unlawful .A midnight crackdown creates a reasonable apprehension that it was with some hidden motive.

      Here Baba could have been murdered/killed in stampede /cross fire/extra judicial murder/ .

      if didn’t escaped

  8. J D Kumar on June 19, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    Ram Dev conducted a yoga camp recently at Poojapura Grounds , Trivandrum. Kerala Electricity Board fined this “moral guru” 25000 Rs(In RamDevs name) for stealing Electricity. It is on record and can be verified.What right do these people have to preach to others

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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