Maid in India

December 19, 2013
By

Yaar America, what have you done? We were all happily enjoying our lives and engaging in healthy debates on Twitter about the virtues of important people like Rahul Gandhi, Armaan Kohli and Deepika Padukone, but you just had to spoil it all.

One arrest, and you managed to outrage a nation of outragers. Today, everybody and their maid is ranting and raving about Devyani Khobragade. The barricades outside the US consulate in Delhi are, like the Congress fortunes in Delhi, history. Meira Kumar refused to meet delegation of US congressmen (such a sexist term by the way). Salman Khurshid said that he will restore Devyani’s honor or never return, which is actually a great example of a win-win situation. Your gay people in India are risking arrest every time they bend over. People are walking past Starbucks without actually buying your overpriced Caramel Machiatos.

What was her mistake? That the poor woman was born in India – the land of subsidised maids and naukars? The land where you risk getting kicked off the hallowed upper-middle-class if you dont have a servant to wash your dishes, one to wash your clothes, one to drive you to work, one for the beauty salon, one to trim your nose hair, and another one to monitor the CCTV cameras supervising the servants, lest anyone gets adventurous to steal the dirt of your feet. Jeez. How preposterous.

hiphopper

But seriously, how is one expected to survive without some solid domestic help? You Americans wouldn’t know. Your country shut down recently. You sure need a lot of domestic help. But you dont have people. Which is why you either import Indian and Chinese people to do their work, or you export work to the poor, hungry people of the world.

India has people. Lots and lots of people. And clearly you Americans are jealous. You’ve always been jealous. First you snared Mallika ji who moved all the way to LA, then you trapped Priyanka ji to sing songs for you. Why cant you mind their own business and focus on bombing a new African nation with coal deposits?

But no, you have to be the Masters of the Universe. Some days i wonder if the voice of Bigg Boss is really Obama ji. He is the ultimate Bigg Boss, after all.

You arrest our IFS officer. You strip-search her. You cavity-search her. You evacuate the family of the maid from India overnight. The same maid against whom the Delhi High Court had issued orders. Boss, she was a damn maid, not Osama Bin Laden, for you to run a stupid covert operation and rescue her family from the evil Indian administration. You want to rescue someone? Rescue the people spending their days eating french fries in McDonalds, that evil export of yours. Make your people fat, if you must. Spare us. It is very uncomfortable for fat people to sit in an office and write code for your government.

And dont bother evacuating any of our people. Our government may be corrupt, our police may be experts in third-degree torture, our judiciary may be slow, but it is ours. Let them govern (or ruin) our destinies. Tedha hai, but mera hai. (Tum nahi samjhoge, but let’s move on)

Of course you’re smart, finding a desi officer to read the press releases and desi boy Bharara to be the crusader against this tormentor of a woman who paid her maid a paltry 30,000 and a place to live in Manhattan. Do you know how many desi people live in Manhattan? None sir. They all live across the river, where Hindi is the second language and if ten techies share an apartment the rent comes to something they can afford.

As for maid salary, do you know what i pay my maid? Rs 2000. She cleans our dishes and sweeps the house, and doesnt even want residency in return. Bangladeshis are not finicky about that stuff. 30,000 is more than what most post-graduates make in India.

All said and done, i think you’re just jealous that we have plenty of maids and you just want to start this trafficking business. We do the hard work of finding a good maid, get her flown to New York on a diplomatic visa, train her on using a dishwasher and front-loading washing machine, and you take her away after checking our cavities (for what, i dare ask. Apache helicopters?)

Now grow up, find your own maids from Mexico or Canada or wherever they are the cheapest, but dont try to mess with our maids. You dont want to hear the story of what happened last week in the neighborhood when Mrs Sharma trapped Mrs Arora’s maid with an offer of a 10% salary hike and 5 additional casual leaves. Rest assured, it was ugly.

(Photo courtesy: Youtube video of ‘Aye Hip Hopper’)

Tags: , , , , , ,

10 Responses to “ Maid in India ”

  1. Dinu on December 19, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    #Flippant

  2. vk on December 20, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Just check American diplomats in Delhi and see how they are treating the Indian staff they have hired and then let them spend a couple of days at Tihar Jail.

  3. latasuksham on December 21, 2013 at 8:43 am

    Despite being a super power US has time for such trivial issues to indulge in ,shouldn’t they be doing something better.

  4. aamaadmi on December 21, 2013 at 11:43 am

    this is the stupidest fucking shit I have ever read in my life. My IQ points just dropped a few.

  5. Anand on December 21, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    dislike

    very bad attitude of typical indian rich. They always think of maid as damn maid.

  6. richa on December 21, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    I so agree these americans dont treat us the way we deserve… and when they come to our country we treat them good. I too also believe that ther are people in every country of every kind….. but ill is not expected from faces… roger… guy!

  7. Ms on December 23, 2013 at 3:41 am

    Hey Bhagwan! It is her maid, to do with as she pleases! We don’t demand that the amriki diplomats in India treat their domestic staff like crap – like it is the norm? I have seen a Korean family in my complex greet their driver like long lost family every morning. Their maid is seen smiling while sweeping their balcony, is known to have her daily lunch on – wait for it – on plates that the family uses! Sometimes, she is observed being dropped off at her slum dwelling if it gets too dark in the evenings and is regularly seen eating with the children at fast food outlets in malls – not sitting a few tables away, minding misbehaving kids while staring hungrily at the food going to waste on their tables. When will they learn? And evacuating the maid’s family from India – they have just given the idea of easy migration to millions who have already tried green card marriages, throwing away their passports while on a tourist visa, enrolling in spurious courses! What was the danger they were in? Something that the Indian citizen experiences on a daily basis? Well, I am expecting a “Zero Dark 30” version of this rescue very soon.

  8. Sonam Raina on September 23, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    I noticed that at the time of publishing of this post, your maid made INR 2000 and by the time you wrote an open letter to Rahul G, she was earning 3000 INR.

    You are a generous man, i salute u!

    • amreekandesi on September 23, 2014 at 10:31 pm

      Thanks. I like your attention to these details :)

    • Sonam Raina on October 13, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      ;)

Subscribe via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog

Disclaimer

All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
%d bloggers like this: