The Name is Bandh. Bharat Bandh.
Today will be remembered in the annals of Indian history as All-is-Well day. Thanks to the Bharat Bandh organized by our Opposition parties to protest against rampant price rise.
Prices have been rising ever since the UPA government came to power. For a while we thought UPA stands for Upwards Prices Alliance.
After suffering so many years in silence, finally the cause of the aam aadmi has been taken up by the BJP. Even arch enemy, the Left, has left its reluctance to partner with the most unsecular party in the country, and is doing its part towards shutting us down.
For a while we thought UPA stands for Upwards Prices Always.
As of the time of this writing, the bandh has been a total success. #BharatBandh is the top trending topic on Twitter, which says a lot about the Opposition’s hold on new age social media as well as old fashioned gunda-gardi. Even #SachinIsGod never made it to the top of the charts.
Prices are already falling to record levels. I went to the grocery store to get some milk, and the shopkeeper happily offered to sell me a litre of milk for two rupees. Full cream, no less. A second later he added with a mysterious grin that he was out of stock, when i had already started formulating plans for emptying my bank account and going long on milk.
Even the auto driver charged less. “Saab maybe they will take a look at your milk deprived shrunken frame and assume we are going to the hospital.” Ten minutes later he found himself trying to escape an improvised petrol bomb hurled by an even more malnourished (as)sole.
Anyway, i digress.
Fact is, that Bandhs are the only mechanism left to the aam aadmi to protest against the government’s high handedness. When was the last time anybody listened to you? Remember the time when you went to to the bijli daftar doused in sweat to complain about a broken electricity meter, only to come back Rs 10k lighter to another bucketful of sweat over the next two months?
What are we to do if they dont listen?
Aate Daal ka bhaav has already risen to astronomical levels. Have you noticed what’s going on with fruits? You go to get a basket of Kiwis freshly imported from Europe, and it is Rs 150/kg. Apples cost Rs 120/kg. Even Bananas go for Rs 40 a dozen. What are we? Pakistan?
There were times when you could get a Samosa for a rupee. With two types of Chutney – a green one and a red one. Today, you go to a Barista and a Cafe Mocha is a hundred rupees. I once fed twenty Brahmins with that much money.
There were times when you could get a Samosa for a rupee. With two types of Chutney.
We have no choice anymore but to go on a Bandh. Actually there’s another option – we could all get out on the streets and ask the government to at least reduce the price of Bananas. But it’s too hot this time of the year, and getting so many people would cost way too much money.
Laaton ke bhoots dont listen with words, so we do need to shake up the government from its apathy. A massive chakka jam (aka shutdown) should shake them up.
Its actually quite easy. Buses work best. Stop a few while they are close to major intersections, beat up the driver, turn the bus around to block the way, and, if feeling a bit adventurous, set it afire.
Trains are tricky. You jump on the track, wave a few lathis and flags, and hope that it will stop in time. But if you get one, then be prepared to be on TV for the rest of the day. Just make sure you give a few menacing looks to the camera. Smiles are for newbies; dont ever commit that mistake. Bananas dont get cheaper with smiles. It has to be a ruthless display of power.
Each bus that gets burnt; Each office that shuts down; Each school that tells its children to play WWE Smackdown on their PS3 and not come to school will bring the price of Bananas by a rupee.
Trains are tricky. You jump on the track, wave a few lathis and flags, and hope that it will stop in time.
Bandhs are good. They help shake the government from it’s slumber. Only when the government steps down from its high horse will prices come down. In a sense, the prices are stuck to a minister’s bottom.
Support the Bandh.
A Bandh does wonder for the national Carbon footprint. Al Gore will sleep peacefully tonight. (and China will execute a group of farmers accused of planning a China Bandh tomorrow.) A Bandh gives our slouchy workforce a day of rest from the mundane routine of office life, besides giving redundant political parties a chance to do something for publicity.
As for price rise, seriously, what do you expect to happen when we lose thousands of crores of productivity due to a day of inactivity?