The Importance of Being Manmohan Singh

September 29, 2013
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These days it feels like the whole world is going through a lover’s tiff with our good Prime Minister. The poor guy has gone to America, popularly known in IT circles as ‘onsite’, and they still won’t leave him alone for a nice vacation to do a Hop-On-Hop-Off tour of Manhattan.

First Rahul Gandhi with the let’s-tear-up-the-stupid-ordinance-that-lets-criminals-stay-in-power drama. Now Nawaz Sharif comparing him to a dehati aurat. And as always, there’s that thorn in the flesh, the silent killer from Gujarat, doing rallies of lakhs of people in Delhi and causing dengue fever epidemics. Come on man, let the guy get a few pictures at Times Square in peace.

Manmohan Singh ji may be going through a rough patch, but the optimist that i am, let me remind you people of some of the great things and values he has taught us.

Manmohan Singh - Time Cover

1) Grammar. Never before had we heard words like subservient, obsequious, obliterate, denigrate, etc on TV debates. Thanks to sirjee, these are on our tips now. No wonder Indian kids are going to America and winning Spelling Bee like it is ludo.

2) Today, thanks to Manmohan Singh ji and his performance, or lack thereof, anybody can dream of becoming a Prime Minister. All you need to do is shrug your shoulders, say that i don’t know, and twist your thumb at minister after minister going to jail. And you thought your IT job was easy!

Yesterday i was talking to the press walah and asked him if he plans to make his ten year old boy an engineer. He laughed loudly and said, ‘Arre sirjee, there’s nothing in Engineering. I will make him Prime Minister.’

3) Have you seen Manmohan Singh ji’s CV? So damn impressive. I think i lost count after about five thousand degrees. And look at him today. All those degrees, and still no respect from petty people whose only job is to tweet about the weather.

After the movie 3 Idiots, he is going to be the single biggest reason people won’t crib too much about their children not getting fancy degrees. Our future generations will thank him for his contribution towards improving our education system, by showing us that degrees don’t mean anything in the longer run.

4) And look at his Secular credentials. He doesn’t do anything for poor Hindus. He doesn’t do anything for poor Muslims. He doesn’t do anything for poor Christians. Nothing for poor Sikhs either. He’s an equal opportunity do-nothing-er. Why bother when we can just reduce the poverty line to get them out of their misery?

5) He is also an epitome of the Indian tradition of Jugaad. How people get jobs through knowing the right people.  Jugaad is our core differentiator in the world. This culture has to be nourished and allowed to prosper.

Never got elected, but has been Prime Minister for ten years. This must be the great grandmother of all Jugaads.

Fevicol, are you listening? Here’s your perfect brand ambassador.

6) Above all, Manmohan Singh sir is a true Gandhian. Rahul calls his ordinance nonsense, and he says nothing. Nawaz Sharif allegedly calls him a dehati aurat, and he says nothing. Perfectly in keeping with the ‘show the other cheek’ principle. It’s a good thing he wasn’t a freedom fighter, or he would have got beaten up a lot by the cruel Brits.

7) Loyalty. Do i need to even elaborate this? The man embodies loyalty.

8) Then there’s his contribution to Fine Arts. Artists can run their households just painting his caricatures. College dropouts can become standup comedians. All they need to do to make people laugh is say ‘Manmohan Singh is the best Prime Minister we’ve ever had.’ Writers can write books on how his silence is so profound.

India's Prime Minister Manmohan Singh gestures in New Delhi

9) Manmohan Singh ji has taught us all that the Ends justify the Means. Idiotic bloggers can keep ranting against him, but he’s the one who has been India’s Prime Minister for close to 10 years.

Or like they say in Hollywood movies, ‘Bitch please!”

This is sheer aggression. Staying power. The killer instinct our Cricket team didn’t have until Bhajji slapped Sreesanth.

10) Last, but not the least – Persuasive skills. Our PM ji may hold the highest office in the land, but that hasn’t stopped him from asking a young 40 year old boy born with dimpled cheeks to grace his cabinet by taking his seat whenever he deems fit. This isn’t just persuasion, but graciousness as well.

Look at Pakistan. We gave them the Most Favored Nation status, and they gave us 26/11. We gave them Sania Mirza, and they sent us Veena Malik. But he persisted with them. So what if Nawaz Sahib made fun of the head of state of the world’s second populous country at the UN, a few hours before they were due to meet?

Maybe PM ji will sing a nice song from a Shantaram movie, melt his stony heart into undoing the partition, and show us the true legend hidden beneath those bushy eyebrows.

Now if only he could do us a favor and get some revisions to Civics books please, to take out the silly concepts of the Cabinet sinking and swimming together. In the modern times, it’s each man for himself.

Theek hai?

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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