Dhoom 3 – America, Trolled

January 1, 2014
By

I just got back from watching Dhoom 3, having heard mixed reactions about the movie, and i can confidently say that i feel sad for the people who weren’t able to see through the genius of the movie. This is an epic. It’s a work of art.

Dear GoI, Dear Bollywood – allow me to apologize on behalf of the millions of my brethren who’ve been ranting on about the former’s lack of any foreign policy, and the latter’s excessive dependence on foreign locales. You sirs, are awesome. I can now see how our government has been using Bollywood movies to send out strong messages to naughty nations while our diplomats sort out their maids’ visa forms.

Still don’t get it? Boss, Bollywood and our ministry of external affairs are clearly working in tandem to troll foreign governments. First there was Jab Tak Hai Jaan which put the British in their place. Now Dhoom 3does the same to Americans. Its a veritable slap on their face. A sound retaliation for the humiliation our good Devyani ji had to suffer. The entire movie is all about trolling Americans and their smugness. We even made Aamir look like the guy from 300, only smaller and cuter.

dhoom3aamir

Let me give some examples of the genius of the movie.

Spoiler alert. You’ve been warned.

One bank in Chicago is getting robbed by who? An Indian. What does said Indian thief do after robbing said bank? Rain dollar bills on poor Americans, so that, you know, they have food to eat. World’s biggest economy who?

What does Chicago do to find out this thief? Import policemen from India. It’s like after BPO and KPO, we’ve moved to PPO – Police Process Outsourcing. Take that, you racist people who shout at our call center folks giving them depression and bipolar disorders.

What do the imported police officers do in Chicago? Give interviews to local news channels in Hindi. To rub it in, we even manage to get the most talented actor in all of India to lech at your girls shamelessly. Bam. Trolled.

And the bike. Aamir’s especially. It runs on roads. It converts into a jet ski in water. Get two of them and they weld together to become a four-wheeler car, kinda like a convertible with its top down. Take that for technology sanctions. We’ve got Chandrayaan, LCA, and now Aamir’s bike. What do you have? Google Glass? Blah.

dhoom3

Chicago SWAT team enters crime location in full gear and all. Our heroes dont need any bulletproof jackets or other dhinchak gear. The Amreekans inhale deadly gas and faint, only to be brought back to safety by whom – the Indians, of course. Payback for handcuffing our diplomat.

We even disrupt an American wedding by getting the assembled guests, in their expensive white dresses to jump on tables and perform pelvic thrusts to one of the songs in the movie. Take that, you cavity-searchers.

The desi policemen don’t wear any helmets while riding their bikes. Cuz that’s how we roll. Try giving them any tickets, you oh-so-law-abiding-country.

No one in the movie stops at any traffic lights. It’s like the Avengers, except they wanted to bring another planet to America; we’ve brought Indian culture.

Ooh and they crashed so many Chicago cop cars in the movie, the city police department must be going through a severe credibility issue right now. The poor guys tried everything – bikes, cars, helicopters, boats. Nothing could stop Aamir’s bat-bike-jetski-convertible. The only thing remaining is for desis to start peeing in the open outside Sears tower. Maybe that will complete our revenge for sending over McDonalds and Starbucks.

Do i even need to add that Chicago is the city where the master of the universe comes from?

Well done Bollywood. Well done.

(Image courtesy: IBNLive, MovieTalkies.com)

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10 Responses to “ Dhoom 3 – America, Trolled ”

  1. Mahesh on January 2, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    very well analyzed. lol brilliant

  2. chupchap on January 3, 2014 at 1:24 am

    You don’t get it. Amir Khan is batman

  3. Maddy on January 3, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    I do agree that few things shown in the movie were not too realistic, like Abhishek Flying an AutoRikshaw.. But what I cannot understand is that you have problem with the gadgets shown in the movie…. If you look at the Hollywood movies… What would you call the Cars given to 007 getting disappeared…. or lets talk about Fast & Furious 6….. where the hell is that runway where there last scene of the movie was shot for almost 15-20 minutes and that too with a plane in motion…. and on top of it, the hero never dies after that ridiculous plane crash…. or about Charles Angles who jump from the bridge on a Truck and then fly’s away on a Helicopter before they fall. Why is it that no one sees the glitches in a Hollywood Movie and they are so desperately waiting for a Bollywood movie to come and you can just say nasty shit about those movies. There will never be an appreciation for good movies like Taare Zameen Par or Rang de Basanti or 3 idiots and the list goes on…

    Thank you again for proving that you hate India….God Bless… and Please Stop watching Bollywood movies if you are so bothered by them..

  4. Vinay P on January 7, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    Agreed with everything. Also agreed with the comment on the gadgets, saw nothing wrong there. But you missed on glaring instance of awesomeness.

    Aamir rides a bike on a wire strung between two buildings, almost at standstill speed, and what does the entire Chicago Police Force do? They stand and stare. Oh and one of them says into a walkie-talkie, “Captain, you’re not going to believe this.”

    While on the other side, our hero is able to shoot Aamir while hanging off a helicopter and Aamir is riding away from him at top speed.

    How’s that for a Take that?

  5. Ms on January 11, 2014 at 5:40 am

    And you did not mention that the out-of-work bar girls and pole dancers are being offered jobs in circuses – going by just what is required to perform acrobatics, even our out-of-work Z grade actresses can get daytime jobs! Yay! What a master stroke -put amreeka to shame and reduced our unemployment in one fell swoop! Jai ho!

  6. Shalet Jimmy on January 21, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    Hey dude, I love the way you reviewed it. I agree to it, completely.

  7. Youngisthan on January 23, 2014 at 6:58 am

    Brilliant buddy! You saw the film very well. I would like to say – Watch Hindi film just for entertainment, not for logic. Very simple, leave your mind and heart at home when you go for Hindi film.

  8. afshan on January 30, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    Came here via Storizen !
    I loved the way you wrote this! Thanks for this. I read this for free where as I tortured my self for 3 + plus hrs after buying a ticket worth 300 in the theater !
    Good lck with ur works :)

  9. insaneish on April 3, 2014 at 1:55 am

    “To rub it in, we even manage to get the most talented actor in all of India to lech at your girls shamelessly. Bam. Trolled.”
    Bwahahahahahaa! I especially loved how the Indian policemen were sporting these leather jackets (coz that’s how cops look cool!) while the Chicago police had to make do with the pizza delivery boy baseball caps.

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    I’m not sure whether this submit is written via him as no one else understand such unique about my difficulty.

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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