AmreekanDesi

Our beloved Mallika Sherawat has embarked upon the American Dream for herself. And begun rather well. With a stylish new fake amru accent.

Go, Mallika Go.

And please hurry!

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Rajesh, one of Akhil’s closest buddies from grad school, recently quit his job at a Midwestern technology firm to move to this top tier tech company in Bangalore.

Akhil managed to catch him on Yahoo messenger during one of his late nights at the office, and thought he’d share some news that would interest his old friend.

Akhil: Hi Rajesh! Whats up buddy?
Rajesh: Hey Dude! I am ok. Sup?

Akhil: I am doing ok. You tell me how’s India? Having fun?
Rajesh: It’s alright yaar. Life going on.

Akhil: Guess what, i am considering moving back to India!
Rajesh: hmm…
Rajesh: Frankly Akhil, don’t do that MISTAKE!

(more…)

For many years commentators have lamented how India has lost its brightest brains to the west – the phenomenon lovingly referred to as the Brain Drain.

It appears that we are seeing another trend these days…the brains that had gotten drained seem to be heading back to India. There’s new phraseology in town: Reverse Brain Drain.

There’s a whole bunch of factors that seem to have contributed to this phenomenon.

India has made tremendous progress, expecially in the field of technology. Indian offices are engaged in cutting edge software development and boast of amenities comparable to anywhere else. Most, if not all major software companies have setup offshore development centers in India. Salaries have risen, and the gap between an Indian salary and a Silicon Valley salary has greatly diminished.

The Indian Elephant has finally started gaining momentum. India is Shining. The economy is doing well, and IT has led the way these past few years.

As the private sector in India now is the main source of wealth production, and it is not as murky and intervened by Indian government as it was before 1991 periods, the highly skilled professionals feel they can get their rewards for their talent and hard work in Indian private sector.[link]

On the other hand, immigration related issues are a constant hassle for Indians in the US.

(more…)

Asha and Ravi were a happy couple. After an agonizing year and a half of misery living as an H4 wife, Asha had finally got her H1 visa. She had found a job with a high school in New York city who filed for her H1 visa. She was lucky and the visa got approved.

She had already been working for a few months now.

Life was all settled and going on nicely. Their combined income afforded them a very comfortable lifestyle. Life was great. They would save for a while, buy a big house in the suburbs with their own garden. Ravi had his Lexus. Asha would get her second love, a Honda CRV. They would have two kids and a dog. If all went well, Asha and Ravi would achieve their American dream in a few years.

All did not go well. Their dream was to come crashing soon.

Ravi’s trading division at Goldman Sachs had been struggling under the weight of the ongoing financial woes. Goldman decided to cut off the aching arm.

Ravi no longer had a job. Ah…the vagaries of life!

(more…)

Here’s how it used to work.

You come to the US on a work permit (most often the H1B visa). You work for a few years and find an employer willing to file for your green card, which sorta makes you less of a bonded laborer. Once you get the green card and have been living in the country for about 10-12 years you could hope to get citizenship, which makes you superman. You still remain a FOB though.

This was is the path millions have aspired to take. Some got there, some got laid off en route, some took more time, and some took less. But this is how it has been.

Not any more.

Here’s a new fast track path towards becoming superman citizen. Join the US military and serve in the ongoing wars. If you came back on your feet, you will be a proud American citizen. The US military is going to allow immigrant workers to join the military, following which they could get citizenship in as less as six months.

In a far reaching proposal, the US military will open its doors to skilled immigrant guest workers (such as those who hold H-1B visas) who have lived in the US for a minimum of two years. [link]

So friends, go for it. This is a once in a lifetime offer. After all, you have just a one life to gamble away.

As the air hostess handed over the immigration forms, Rajat felt a daze from the blood rushing to his head. His dream was coming true, at last.

Ever since he had gotten into engineering and heard all those stories of Indians going to America to live out their american dream, he had had only one goal in life.

Rajat wanted to live in America. He wanted to bathe in american water. He wanted to eat american eggs and drink american milk. He wanted to work in America.

He got that golden chance two years into his job with one of the leading consulting firms. Once he lost out on that onsite opportunity, there was only one way out.

Rajat found a consultant who would file for his H1 visa. Once that came through, he would go to the US, and be assigned to work on a project for some fortune 500 client.

This was too good to be true. He paid $2000 towards the visa filing fee, and another $2000 as a deposit to the consultant, just as security that he wouldn’t chuck the consultant as soon as he landed on the hallowed shores.

Luck was on Rajat’s side. He got the visa.

(more…)

Asha got off the Continental Boeing 747 with a constipated stomach and a flutter in her heart. She had just crossed the proverbial seven seas over a fifteen hour non stop flight from New Delhi.

She was in America.

The past two weeks had been a whirlwind. She had met Ravi on 20th Nov, and ten days later they were husband and wife.

Ravi was a strapping 30 year old vice president at Goldman Sachs. He had been lapped up from NYU’s Stern school where he had been among the top performers in his MBA class. He had managed to hold off his mother’s insistence for the past few years, but now that he had gotten the promotion he so desperately wanted, there was no stopping her.

All he had to do was take a picture with his Lexus in clean clothes and send to his tech savvy mom. She set up his profile on Shaadi.com and set about finding a suitable match for her son. A shortlist of 25 was prepared and Ravi was summoned to headquarters in Mumbai.

Of all the doctors, engineers, and finance types that his mom had shortlisted Ravi liked Asha most. They got married a week later. There was no time for a honeymoon in a two week leave.

The newly weds were in New york.

(more…)

The American Dream may start anywhere – college, well-to-do siblings, parental pressure, but eventually it has to make a mandatory stop to get a colorful stamp in the passport. Its the american visa, and many a bright soul has spent sleepless weeks, months even, going through and fearing that ordeal.

Here’s how it works.

You pay the application fees at HDFC bank, and WAIT for two days. Apparently that is the amount of time it takes for them to activate your application, and only then you can enter their system.

Now starts the interesting part. You need to get a visa appointment date. Sounds easier than it is. You go in to the most user-unfriendly website to check the dates availability, and find out that the dates are not open yet. No dates. “Sorry, no dates are available” (or something to that effect). The beauty is that they don’t tell you when dates will open up. Its all random. Any day they will open up the dates. Some of them. 2-3 days or maybe a week at a time. The ball’s in your court and it is your job to keep checking the site every few days if you want an appointment next month, or probably every hour if you want one next week.

Who needs the IPL to get their adrenaline going if you are a prospective visa applicant?

(more…)

Akhil was two months old in America. He was a FOB (Fresh Off the Boat). Even though he flew in from NewDelhi. No Boat involved.

All Indians around him, even the ones who had been in the US for years were FOBs. They would remain so till, well, forever. Along the way, they would get married, and have kids. Their kids would be ABDs (American Born Confused Desi). But they would be FOBs forever. Anyway, this is about our favorite DBD (ABD – American + Desi = DBD). Akhil.

Akhil was a 24 year old software engineer. He chucked his well paying tech job to come over to the US to get his masters degree. All paid for by the university. He was after all, a bright kid.

His flight to cross the proverbial seven seas stopped over in Paris. A starving Akhil went to get a coffee and was horrified to find a cup of coffee priced at 4 dollars. 200 rupees!!! There was no way he was going to drink that. Then he found his new friend from the flight – a fellow to-be-FOB who agreed to share the coffee. And Akhil had the costliest half cup of coffee of his life. Yet.

(more…)