Twitter Roundup - Vol 3

July 31, 2010

Here’s a compilation of some of my funny posts on Twitter from the month of July.

Read and enjoy!

  • Young Indian techies don’t need Deepak Chopra. Pizza is much more motivating.
  • Isn’t rahul mahajan the ass who laughs like a horse?
  • Rahul Mahajan should marry Sarah Jessica Parker. They can then gallop away into the sunset.
  • Just how long can desi techies talk before they mention their “years of industry experience”?
  • For all fans of crappy whitening creams, I have one word for you. Sandpaper.
  • Getting people into a crib session bitching about work can be a great team building activity.
  • Don’t beat your wives. Never forget they are the ones cooking what you eat, and poison’s easy to find
  • The Great Khali should be made speaker of Parliament. He will bring much needed discipline and glamor.
  • Desi tele-serials are god’s gift to the percussion industry. They play dhols all the time. LOUDLY.
  • If at first you dont succeed, blog about it.
  • Angelina Jolie says she has a dark side. Rumour is she adopted it from Africa.
  • Don’t run after fast bucks. They get away rather quickly.
  • Behind every crappy software there is a crappy project manager.
  • People who drive on the wrong side of the road should be rear-ended. No, not talking about their cars.
  • A job at an Indian mall must be a gay man’s dream come true. Nobody escapes the frisking.
  • I have already thought up a great headline for when Mamta wins in West Bengal. “There’s nothing LEFT to do”.
  • Guinness Book to officially acknowledge India as the largest producer of crap. AajTak made all the difference.
  • Delhi Police to launch new service for constipated people. Tagline: “We will beat the crap out of you”.
  • Mamta Banerjee gets recurring dreams where she’s randomly driving around Calcutta. She never takes a left turn. Not once.
  • In India we just have to go to the doctor. Apples cost Rs 150/kg.
  • Is it called breaking news because it makes you want to break the TV? Using your own Head?
  • Look at Akshay Kumar on Chak Dhoom Dhoom, grinning away like a Jackass.
  • Dear retarded driver out on Delhi’s roads. The left is for Communist crap, not for overtaking.
  • ‘hmmm’ is such a perfect conversation killer. Don’t know what to say? Go humming bird.
  • Kapil Sibal looks like his eye-brows could use a Lawn Mower.
  • How to be funny. 1. Use profanity 2. Sex sells 3. Fuck political correctness 4. Be offensive to at least one group
  • IT types love the term ‘backend’. Maybe its because their backends get slammed around so much?
  • Anyone heard of the manager who wanted his team to plan sick leaves in advance? By at least 2 weeks?
  • ‘Reply All’ has got to be the worst software feature ever. Nothing comes even close in terms of grief caused globally.
  • Why do they call it Human Resources when no humans work in that department?
  • I wasnt born funny, but they had a picture of Rajnikant in the nursery.
  • People who use the word ‘fuck’ most are likely the ones who never really get to.
  • The way Krishna and Qureshi have been quarreling, you would think Qureshi’s real name is Godavari.
  • The sequel of Inception will be called Conception. Contraception and Deception will follow thereafter.
  • Baggage handlers at Delhi airport at it again. Set of stolen balls recovered last night. Rumored to be SM Krishna’s.
  • The new rupee symbol is actually Raknikant’s signature. The contest was just masti.
  • Nothing screams ‘liar’ louder than reporting to work after a sick day sporting a new haircut.
  • Salman making ‘Wanted 2′. It will be titled ‘Unwanted’.
  • Sena will burn all copies of Shivaji book. They’ll have to buy them all first, i suppose. Good for the author.
  • If the govt takes away all the stones in Kashmir, will the protests stop?
  • Every cloud has a silver lining. Everywhere except India. They stole it.
  • It’s not like i don’t have a funny bone. It just got fractured.
  • n the US, you hit a car, you leave a note. In India, you hit a car, you blame the other guy and ask for damages.
  • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
  • With people dying because of Lauki juice, it may be time to find other a-laukic ways to good health.
  • A coward dies a thousand deaths. Doesn’t that make him practically immortal?
  • Zoel Saldana likes men with smooth palms. Indian govt officers, please take note. You guys have the most greased palms in the world.
  • With that name, Dhoni and the wife would make a great couple for detergent ads.
  • I miss Sunny Deol. He had such amazing SCREAM presence.

Head over to my Twitter page to check out the latest updates.

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5 Responses to “ Twitter Roundup - Vol 3 ”

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by amreekandesi, Old Mac Donald. Old Mac Donald said: Twitter Roundup – Vol 3 | AmreekanDesi: Here's a compilation of some of my funny posts on Twitter from the month o… […]

  2. B K CHOWLA on July 31, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    I have been following you on twitter, but this compilation is very interesting

    • amreekandesi on July 31, 2010 at 6:14 pm

      Thanks! It’s easy to miss updates on Twitter, it being a very real time medium.

  3. joel on August 3, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    Awesome post. They are so funny and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the stuff. Lol. The one’s marked with red, are they your favorites?

  4. atlanta plumbers on March 2, 2011 at 3:55 am

    awesome blog here man I really think this is one of the best blogs I’ve ever seen! I have boomarked your awesome blog & you better believe, I’ll be back to read more! :) so please keep me pleased and entertained with more of your blog posts in the future!

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