Open Letter to MS Dhoni
Dear MS Dhoni,
First up, congrats on winning the world cup. You’ve made us proud.
It must be such a Bachendri Pal-ish feeling. On top of the world!
Yesterday was special. You were special. You played a most mature and responsible captain’s knock. And that last six, OH MY GOD. Out of the ground, and out of the world.
The previous generation had Kapil Dev. We have you. They won by fluke. You won as favorites.
I am a fanboy now. I promise to only buy Orient PSPO fans, drink Pepsi and drive that bike you drive. One day when I have enough money i might even buy one of those overpriced Amrapali apartments with granite slabbed modular kitchens.
I also promise to send my son to your cricket academy. Hopefully you will oblige the little kid with your autograph, and not be too hard on him during training. He hopes to take after Yuvraj, so don’t worry about his weight. A little flab would only help him in winning a man of the tournament when he plays the world cup.
Waise, a bit surprised with all this talk of your supposedly captaincy blunders that eventually seem to work every time. They say you were forced to bring in Nehra for the semis, and he worked out well. They now say you should have brought in Ashwin for the final, but of course you had more faith in that angry boy with a bird nest atop his head.
I say ignore the naysayers. They are just jealous of your success. Ultimately you are the world cup champion, not them.
Anyway, I also wanted to tell you about the Rs 15,000 I invested betting for India winning the world cup. Made me a handsome profit. I am going to organise a feast for 21 Brahmins next Sunday with part of the proceeds. Are you a Brahmin?
I am quite convinced my life will never be the same again. After the match I took 39 pictures from TV covering all major channels, which I will preserve forever and show my grandkids one day.
I was there when Dhoni won India the Cricket World Cup in 2011.
My eyes are welling up with tears as I write this. I hope you will excuse the few spelling mistakes; my vision is a bit hazy right now.
You have set such a fine example of leadership, hardwork, and perseverence. Hopefully one day my boy will pick up these traits from you and become a fine gentleman. I have big expectations from that stint at your academy. Please look after him well. Meanwhile, i will get him to replace that Bieber is Jesus poster with one of yours.
I know I shouldn’t be interfering in Cricket matters, but just a few observations.
- The Chawla boy does have potential. Please stick out with him for at least a few years while he gets his bearings in the world of cut throat cricket.
- Ask Yuvraj to share that Revital with the rest of the team. I mean, just LOOK what it did to him.
- Check with Pepsi for more innovative training techniques. Their helicopter shot technique came in so handy during the final against Sri Lanka. See if they can teach you (and the other boys) some other shots that can help win matches. Also, ask them to do some research into bowling techniques. Our boys could do with some tips.
- Give some protein to the fast bowlers – they look so malnourished. No wonder Munaf Patel seems to runs slower than my mom, and Nehra is always injured. Also, put Nehra on a Calcium pill regimen. He is not getting any younger, and those bones seem fragile.
Of course, you know best. You are the world champion.
Just one last thing. Others may say whatever, but I don’t believe any of that talk about match fixing. They are saying that with so much money involved in the betting market, India just had to win. To hell with them – bloody liars.
Another theory I heard – completely ridiculous – that India had to win the world cup due to the tremendous amount of money in the Indian market that will be instrumental to the growth of Cricket. Who are these people who spread such senseless rumours? I wish they drown in the Yamuna. In the excreta infested stretch in Delhi, no less.
You are truly our champion. We are all so very proud of you. May you play cricket for the next 40 years and win each world cup, IPL, and Ranji trophy in sight.
Enjoy your tenure as the best world champions ever. Say hi to Sakshi bhabhi.
PS: I thought of signing in blood, but that didn’t quite work out. Long story short, i managed blood but the wife managed band-aid.