Open Letter to MS Dhoni

April 3, 2011
By

Dear MS Dhoni,

First up, congrats on winning the world cup. You’ve made us proud.

World Champions!

It must be such a Bachendri Pal-ish feeling. On top of the world!

Yesterday was special. You were special. You played a most mature and responsible captain’s knock. And that last six, OH MY GOD. Out of the ground, and out of the world.

The previous generation had Kapil Dev. We have you. They won by fluke. You won as favorites.

I am a fanboy now. I promise to only buy Orient PSPO fans, drink Pepsi and drive that bike you drive. One day when I have enough money i might even buy one of those overpriced Amrapali apartments with granite slabbed modular kitchens.

I also promise to send my son to your cricket academy. Hopefully you will oblige the little kid with your autograph, and not be too hard on him during training. He hopes to take after Yuvraj, so don’t worry about his weight. A little flab would only help him in winning a man of the tournament when he plays the world cup.

Waise, a bit surprised with all this talk of your supposedly captaincy blunders that eventually seem to work every time. They say you were forced to bring in Nehra for the semis, and he worked out well. They now say you should have brought in Ashwin for the final, but of course you had more faith in that angry boy with a bird nest atop his head.

I say ignore the naysayers. They are just jealous of your success. Ultimately you are the world cup champion, not them.

Woohoo!

Anyway, I also wanted to tell you about the Rs 15,000 I invested betting for India winning the world cup. Made me a handsome profit. I am going to organise a feast for 21 Brahmins next Sunday with part of the proceeds. Are you a Brahmin?

I am quite convinced my life will never be the same again. After the match I took 39 pictures from TV covering all major channels, which I will preserve forever and show my grandkids one day.

I was there when Dhoni won India the Cricket World Cup in 2011.

My eyes are welling up with tears as I write this. I hope you will excuse the few spelling mistakes; my vision is a bit hazy right now.

You have set such a fine example of leadership, hardwork, and perseverence. Hopefully one day my boy will pick up these traits from you and become a fine gentleman. I have big expectations from that stint at your academy. Please look after him well. Meanwhile, i will get him to replace that Bieber is Jesus poster with one of yours.

I know I shouldn’t be interfering in Cricket matters, but just a few observations.

  1. The Chawla boy does have potential. Please stick out with him for at least a few years while he gets his bearings in the world of cut throat cricket.
  2. Ask Yuvraj to share that Revital with the rest of the team. I mean, just LOOK what it did to him.
  3. Check with Pepsi for more innovative training techniques. Their helicopter shot technique came in so handy during the final against Sri Lanka. See if they can teach you (and the other boys) some other shots that can help win matches. Also, ask them to do some research into bowling techniques. Our boys could do with some tips.
  4. Give some protein to the fast bowlers – they look so malnourished. No wonder Munaf Patel seems to runs slower than my mom, and Nehra is always injured. Also, put Nehra on a Calcium pill regimen. He is not getting any younger, and those bones seem fragile.

Of course, you know best. You are the world champion.

Just one last thing. Others may say whatever, but I don’t believe any of that talk about match fixing. They are saying that with so much money involved in the betting market, India just had to win. To hell with them – bloody liars.

Another theory I heard – completely ridiculous – that India had to win the world cup due to the tremendous amount of money in the Indian market that will be instrumental to the growth of Cricket. Who are these people who spread such senseless rumours? I wish they drown in the Yamuna. In the excreta infested stretch in Delhi, no less.

You are truly our champion. We are all so very proud of you. May you play cricket for the next 40 years and win each world cup, IPL, and Ranji trophy in sight.

Enjoy your tenure as the best world champions ever. Say hi to Sakshi bhabhi.

Yours truly.

PS: I thought of signing in blood, but that didn’t quite work out. Long story short, i managed blood but the wife managed band-aid.

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33 Responses to “ Open Letter to MS Dhoni ”

  1. latasuksham on April 3, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Oh wonderful.

    You are really out of this world. Thank god you are back in India otherwise Americans would have already taken a copy right on You.

  2. Shail on April 3, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Loved it. Now off to retweet! :)

  3. jddhanoa on April 3, 2011 at 10:26 am

    enjoyed every bit of it…..amazing

  4. Prateek on April 3, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Loved it. Perhaps the speculations relating India with fixing is not true. Playing under such a tremendous pressure, whining the opponents and of course winning on home ground is just fantastic.
    P.S I loved your P.S

  5. suranga on April 3, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Enjoyed this greatly. And you actually said something I have been dying to tell the powers that be. Nehra needs to get his vitamin D levels checked. That and maybe take revital. he cant fracture fingers by diving.

  6. hitesh on April 3, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    loved it….the amreekan and the desi 2gether seem gr8…

  7. Ashwani S. on April 3, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Amazing !

    :-D

  8. dinu on April 3, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesome :D

  9. Maya S on April 3, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Cute one!

  10. kavita on April 3, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Awesome letter re! imagine if MSD actually read this letter. haha.
    loved reading it!

  11. amar patel on April 3, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    hahaha.. truly well said..

    say HI to Sakshi bhabhi from my side too :))

  12. rajinder on April 3, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    thanks amreekandesi, wonderful and fantastic post.
    i liked each and every word as it is full of amusing but wise inherent advices.the matches were really fair and Dhoni has proved that he is world’s finest captain and deserves all the praises.
    wish this post/letter really goes to him or at least to his other well wishers so that the message goes to him for further refinement in team spirit and to keep indian flag high in all such matches in the time to come.
    once again thanks..AD and eagerly await such interesting posts.

  13. Pradyut on April 3, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    :’)

  14. Vishal on April 3, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    Excellent read. very well written.. keep up the good work.

  15. Usha Pisharody on April 3, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Hats off! I wonder if there is some way to MAKE Dhoni read this! He really needs to :D! The wealth of information, analyses and advice is what he needs to prepare himself for the next WC :D! Retweeting!

  16. Dhaval on April 3, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    :’) exactly my sentiments!

    Also, Please contact me for “Dhoni’s cricket coaching”*

    *Its not actually Dhoni himself, its the boy who taught him the helicopter shot i nthe pepsi ad, also we will take your kids to tour his home, smell his unwashed tshirt and may be invade on his privacy as he enjoys some fun moments with his wife on the beach, oh wait!

  17. Vyankatesh on April 4, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Wonderfully written.

    I wonder what MSD would say when he read this !! :-)

  18. Nishkarsh Kankaria on April 4, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    nice post dude!
    -but-
    all i smell is satire, no real appreciation.
    -but-
    it is good anyways.
    -coz-
    INDIA won.

  19. Sid on April 4, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    HATS OFF..
    Superb post. The bowlers being malnourished, that part was hilarious.

  20. iamaceo on April 4, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    Hi Amreekandesi,

    First of all I like your post very well. But I wont agree with you about the 1983 team who won as a fluke. They were not favourites before the cup but the 1983 deserved the win.

    If you look at 1996, Sri-Lanka was not favourites before the match but they won finally because they played an excellent cricket. I am happy to say the Dhoni is a good captain and is lucky enough to get a strong team. The foundation of the team was done by former captains like Saurav and others. They’ve played a tremendous role in the world cup win. We have to remember the fact.

  21. sarojini sen on April 4, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Lovely! Thank you. every one in the house wondering why & who I am cheering after cricket match is long over. Just what we needed for the withdrawal symptoms of the cricket. Thank you again.

  22. Manas on April 4, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    Do anything to get the “Bieber is Jesus” poster off the wall !! I am amazed you had to wait so long ;P

  23. Jim on April 4, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Oh … Amazing . Awesome . By t way whats your facebook name … Wanna add you …

  24. T.P.Anand on April 5, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Excellent letter. You have covered everything in one letter. Hats off to Indian Cricket Team for winning the World Cup and Hats Off to you for writing such a wonderful letter to Dhoni.

  25. Asha Pole on April 5, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Hilarious letter…The reality was so beautifully blended in humour. haha im still smiling

  26. bhaskar on April 5, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    sir i am left hand batsman and right hand bowler but my age is 19+.
    sir please help me without your help i am lonely.please sir.

  27. deepak on April 5, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Awesome –

    i have never seen someone taking dhoni s trip and trust me you are quite creative and versatile .

    i really hope MSD reads this finally one day when he is free from his photoshoots

    way to go :-)

  28. amreekandesi on April 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    thanks all for the kind comments :)

  29. newspolitan on April 18, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    It is simply an humorous letter….Anyway i want to congratulate the entire team India on behalf of this letter and making us proud.

  30. Purva Iyengar on May 13, 2011 at 11:42 pm

    kya likhte ho yaar. And more important Kya kya soch lete ho! KAISE? Getting hooked to your psots. keep up the temperament. God bless!

  31. Sumi on May 15, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Enjoyed reading till the last word…awesome..

  32. WC links. | on March 27, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    […] Open Letter to MS Dhoni – By @amreekandesi […]

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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