Twitter Roundup – Vol 3

July 31, 2010
By

Here’s a compilation of some of my funny posts on Twitter from the month of July.

Read and enjoy!

  • Young Indian techies don’t need Deepak Chopra. Pizza is much more motivating.
  • Isn’t rahul mahajan the ass who laughs like a horse?
  • Rahul Mahajan should marry Sarah Jessica Parker. They can then gallop away into the sunset.
  • Just how long can desi techies talk before they mention their “years of industry experience”?
  • For all fans of crappy whitening creams, I have one word for you. Sandpaper.
  • Getting people into a crib session bitching about work can be a great team building activity.
  • Don’t beat your wives. Never forget they are the ones cooking what you eat, and poison’s easy to find
  • The Great Khali should be made speaker of Parliament. He will bring much needed discipline and glamor.
  • Desi tele-serials are god’s gift to the percussion industry. They play dhols all the time. LOUDLY.
  • If at first you dont succeed, blog about it.
  • Angelina Jolie says she has a dark side. Rumour is she adopted it from Africa.
  • Don’t run after fast bucks. They get away rather quickly.
  • Behind every crappy software there is a crappy project manager.
  • People who drive on the wrong side of the road should be rear-ended. No, not talking about their cars.
  • A job at an Indian mall must be a gay man’s dream come true. Nobody escapes the frisking.
  • I have already thought up a great headline for when Mamta wins in West Bengal. “There’s nothing LEFT to do”.
  • Guinness Book to officially acknowledge India as the largest producer of crap. AajTak made all the difference.
  • Delhi Police to launch new service for constipated people. Tagline: “We will beat the crap out of you”.
  • Mamta Banerjee gets recurring dreams where she’s randomly driving around Calcutta. She never takes a left turn. Not once.
  • In India we just have to go to the doctor. Apples cost Rs 150/kg.
  • Is it called breaking news because it makes you want to break the TV? Using your own Head?
  • Look at Akshay Kumar on Chak Dhoom Dhoom, grinning away like a Jackass.
  • Dear retarded driver out on Delhi’s roads. The left is for Communist crap, not for overtaking.
  • ‘hmmm’ is such a perfect conversation killer. Don’t know what to say? Go humming bird.
  • Kapil Sibal looks like his eye-brows could use a Lawn Mower.
  • How to be funny. 1. Use profanity 2. Sex sells 3. Fuck political correctness 4. Be offensive to at least one group
  • IT types love the term ‘backend’. Maybe its because their backends get slammed around so much?
  • Anyone heard of the manager who wanted his team to plan sick leaves in advance? By at least 2 weeks?
  • ‘Reply All’ has got to be the worst software feature ever. Nothing comes even close in terms of grief caused globally.
  • Why do they call it Human Resources when no humans work in that department?
  • I wasnt born funny, but they had a picture of Rajnikant in the nursery.
  • People who use the word ‘fuck’ most are likely the ones who never really get to.
  • The way Krishna and Qureshi have been quarreling, you would think Qureshi’s real name is Godavari.
  • The sequel of Inception will be called Conception. Contraception and Deception will follow thereafter.
  • Baggage handlers at Delhi airport at it again. Set of stolen balls recovered last night. Rumored to be SM Krishna’s.
  • The new rupee symbol is actually Raknikant’s signature. The contest was just masti.
  • Nothing screams ‘liar’ louder than reporting to work after a sick day sporting a new haircut.
  • Salman making ‘Wanted 2’. It will be titled ‘Unwanted’.
  • Sena will burn all copies of Shivaji book. They’ll have to buy them all first, i suppose. Good for the author.
  • If the govt takes away all the stones in Kashmir, will the protests stop?
  • Every cloud has a silver lining. Everywhere except India. They stole it.
  • It’s not like i don’t have a funny bone. It just got fractured.
  • n the US, you hit a car, you leave a note. In India, you hit a car, you blame the other guy and ask for damages.
  • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
  • With people dying because of Lauki juice, it may be time to find other a-laukic ways to good health.
  • A coward dies a thousand deaths. Doesn’t that make him practically immortal?
  • Zoel Saldana likes men with smooth palms. Indian govt officers, please take note. You guys have the most greased palms in the world.
  • With that name, Dhoni and the wife would make a great couple for detergent ads.
  • I miss Sunny Deol. He had such amazing SCREAM presence.

Head over to my Twitter page to check out the latest updates.

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5 Responses to “ Twitter Roundup – Vol 3 ”

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by amreekandesi, Old Mac Donald. Old Mac Donald said: Twitter Roundup – Vol 3 | AmreekanDesi: Here's a compilation of some of my funny posts on Twitter from the month o… http://bit.ly/bolBWe […]

  2. B K CHOWLA on July 31, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    I have been following you on twitter, but this compilation is very interesting

    • amreekandesi on July 31, 2010 at 6:14 pm

      Thanks! It’s easy to miss updates on Twitter, it being a very real time medium.

  3. joel on August 3, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    Awesome post. They are so funny and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the stuff. Lol. The one’s marked with red, are they your favorites?

  4. atlanta plumbers on March 2, 2011 at 3:55 am

    awesome blog here man I really think this is one of the best blogs I’ve ever seen! I have boomarked your awesome blog & you better believe, I’ll be back to read more! :) so please keep me pleased and entertained with more of your blog posts in the future!

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All content on this site is the personal opinion of the writer. It is in no way related to their employer or their official policies. Most of what is written here is in a satirical tone. If it hurts your sensibilities, I sincerely apologize.
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