Olympics 2012. Tweet Style

August 14, 2012

The Olympics are over. It was a fun ride the past two weeks, watching all sorts of exotic sports (read, non-cricket) and learning words hitherto unknown to Indians, like repechage and ‘olympic medals’. Now as we get back to our regular fare of Balika Vadhu and Indian Idle Idol, here’s highlights from the games through some of my tweets over the course of the London Olympics.

It all started with the Opening Ceremony, which was was fun to watch. Especially if you had live-tweeting responsibilities. Waited for India’s entry till the late hours of the night, only for it to be over in a few seconds.

* There should be an honorary gold medal for countries with most people live tweeting the Olympic opening ceremony.
* The Olympic opening ceremony is where a lot of kids in the US will find out that there are LOTS of countries in the world.
* The amount of footage a country gets must be proportional to their medal prospects. Hence, India…

The first day of competition, and disappointments started. First with the archers bowing out. It felt like the old script of over-hype and under-performance was going to be executed all over again.

* India needs to fight for reservation for sports minorities in Olympics. That’s our only hope. Something like Usain Bolt not being able to compete in 2016 100m, because it is a reserved race.
* It is quite obvious that the western world holds fancy events just to give India a chance to embarrass itself.
* Our archers are doing badly in the Olympics because ‘chidiya ki aankh’ has been replaced by ‘ma ki aankh’ in Indian culture.

Meanwhile, the Chinese juggernaut had started rolling. Many events seemed to feature either Chinese people winning, or people of Chinese origin representing other countries.

* The Chinese keep #winning so much, they’re like a walking promo for Charlie Sheen.
* A day will come when China gets almost all gold medals at Olympics, while its people settled abroad get the rest.

World no 1 Deepika Kumari bowed out tamely, but Gagan Narang wasn’t done yet. He got the first medal, a bronze.

* Gagan Narang, take a bow. Take one from our archers; they’re done with it.

Meanwhile, India was going crazy over mystery girl Madhura Nagendra, for gate crashing our Opening Ceremony party. Our media stopped short of lynching her family in Bangalore.

* We have received a letter from London games organizers apologizing for the ‘mystery girl’. Now to get one for the partition.

Badminton started. Saina was in full flow. Jwala Gutta and Ashwini Ponappa played pretty well too, and narrowly missed out on reaching the quarters. And there was Energizer bunny Leander Paes. Despite being forced to team up with young Vishnu Vardhan, he didnt do badly at all. The archers were all done. No medals. All hype.

* This Saina Nehwal is so un-paisa wasool. You cant just finish a set in 9 minutes. People paid for their tickets, you know.
* Paes-Vishnu win against higher ranked opponents. The legend continues.
* It’s all Poonam Pandey’s fault. Our archers would have fared better if she had sent a poster of herself to use as target practice.

Four days in, and just a single medal to go by. Paes and Vishnu put up a solid show against world no 6 Tsonga and his partner.

* So what if we only have a single medal in the Olympics. We are the spelling bee champions of the world.
* Leander Paes has the heart of a lion, the agility of a rabbit and the paunch of an IT professional.

Saina Nehwal lost her semi-final. Her Chinese opponent was just too strong. Michael Phelps became an Olympic legend totaling a career 22 medals, more than all of India. Ever. Surprisingly, he announced retirement after the Olympics. The Hockey team started a disastrous campaign, where they would end up losing to everybody they faced.

* Saina may have lost, but the good news is Arunachal got saved.
* Phelps to retire after Olympics. Somebody ask Tendulkar for his thoughts on this news.
* Michael Phelps doesnt take the Olympics in the right spirit. It is not about winning all the time.
* Our IT companies should stop writing software for any country that beats us in Hockey. That will show them.

Vijay Kumar pips favorite Abhinav Bindra, en route to a historic silver medal. India go from one medal to two.

* Vijay Kumar’s name will be written in history in silver letters.
* Can the US and China double their medals tally in a single day? No? Chee.
* It always helps to take sport to the grassroots. Our Olympic success in shooting is all a result of years of road rage induced practice.

Saina goes through a tough fight for her bronze medal. Gets it eventually through injury to her opponent. India up to three medals.

* Dear China, come on let us have at least that bronze medal. Dont be so greedy. We’re neighbors, for Confucius’ sake.
* Good job Saina. Not the ideal way to get a medal, but who cares. You played well.

Our boy Irfan breaks the national record and ends up 10th in the 10 km walk. Very creditable for a person who got little support from the govt and had to spend his meagre salary buying his shoes. In Boxing, we start getting screwed by decisions in close bouts going against us. Britain is doing well though; maybe we can share their credit? Michael Phelps is still busy piling up medals.

* Can we expect the desis in England to show their patriotism by burning some buses to protest the pathetic judging of boxing?
* Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories every day. Makes sense to win a nation’s worth, given he has more golds than most nations.

As track field events start, Google introduces its animated 100 m hurdles doodle. Productivity across offices plummets overnight.

* This Google doodle was the only way an Indian could have done well in a 100 m hurdles race on a global stage.
* This latest Google doodle might just be a conspiracy to ruin everybody’s space bars so people buy new keyboards.

Our men ended up with zero boxing medals. Maybe they should have heeded my advise.

* Why cant our boxers just learn from Rocky? Take a beating in the initial rounds, tire out the opponent and knock them out in the last one.

Found out an interesting trivia about 100 m records, especially in the Indian perspective. The hockey team continues to keep losing to everybody and their mother.

* America’s fastest 16 year old runs a faster 100 m than the 7 year old Indian national record.
* Indian hockey’s biggest achievement in 2012 - making us realize we were better off not qualifying for the last 2 Olympics.

And along came Mary Kom, five time world champion. Lost her semi-final, but won a billion hearts and respect that no Roadie can ever imagine. India’s medal count up to 4.

* Go Mary Kom! You don’t deserve anything less than a gold.
* Full respect for Mary Kom. Woman’s a legend. Moved up 2 weight categories for the Olympics.
* Mary Kom’s true victory would be if it builds awareness of what’s happening in Manipur and the other NE states and improves their lot.

Over to wrestling. Repechage comes to the rescue of Yogeshwar Dutt, and he ends up winning a bronze. India’s fifth medal.

* These Olympics have done wonders to Indian vocabularies and geography. Now everybody knows about repechage and Manipur.
* India can do well in all those long distance Olympic walking events. The govt just needs to make water inaccessible to more villages.
* India last in men’s hockey. The US last in women’s hockey. Proof that hockey doesn’t suit large democracies.

As the games wind up, time to apply stats to make us look good.

* India now 5th in Olympics medals tally among the BRICS nations.
* Just counted. There are 125 countries in the medals tally that didn’t win a single medal. And WE HAVE 5. FIVE.

Last day. Last hope. Sushil Kumar. Never before have so many people watched a sport they didn’t understand at all. Wrestling. He wins a silver, but there is a slight tinge of disappointment. He was supposed to bring back gold.

* Gali gali mein naara hai, Sushil hum ko pyaara hai.
* India’s medals at the Olympics in wrestling, boxing and shooting should show the world that we are not to be messed with.

And the Olympics were over.

* The Olympics are over. Tomorrow is a Monday. Rahul Gandhi is still not our Prime Minister. On that depressing note, good night.

Over to 2016 now. Can’t wait for Rio De Janeiro.

[Image courtesy: ToI, TopNews, Hindu, Madhyamam, IbTimes]

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