AmreekanDesi

Dear Times of India,

I was appalled by the cartoon in today’s newspaper. I have long held this paper in high esteem, and somehow it hurts to see such a  distasteful statement.

I know it is fashionable to declare one’s secular credentials. I know that people have coined a term pseudo secularism for this behavior, but still.

Narendra Modi has served three terms as Gujarat chief minister. He has been lauded for the development in the state under his government. He was most recently chosen as The Asian Winner of the FDi Personality of the Year for 2009 by fDi Magazine. He is a well respected figure in his state, and outside.

In a country where the current Prime Minister didn’t even bother to stand for election, and where most other states aren’t doing half as well as Gujarat, why should the man responsible for so much progress be subjected to such ridiculous humor?

This, when your newspaper had no qualms about printing full page advertisements just yesterday remembering the only Indian Prime Minister to ever invoke emergency on the country following an election defeat, and in the wake of whose death thousands of innocent people were slit or burnt alive by her followers?

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Are you an Indian settled abroad thinking of coming back to India? Read on.

First the all important question. Why do you want to move to India? Seriously. Think again.  If you are coming back because you think India is this awesome place growing at a rapid pace where you would be able to enjoy all that life (and money) has to offer, then please reconsider your decision.

If you come expecting a thousand watt halogen lamp, the hopeful candle flickering in the wind might come as a disappointment.

NRI City – Greater Noida. “Bringing Singapore to India“

Return to India only if you have a very solid reason that will sustain you through the transition period (and beyond), during which you will crib about everything from the traffic, pollution, corruption, cows, buffaloes, and the silly speed bump outside your house. This reason could be work, family, emotions, a hidden treasure that you left under the tree on that plot near the house, the one that has been taken up by the newest unauthorized temple in town.

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Just came across the Google Doodle contest going on currently. As part of this competition, students in India from Standards 1 to 10 were invited to design a doodle for Google. The winning doodle will be displayed on the Google India homepage all day this Children’s day (14 November).

The theme for the competition is My India and through their designs these kids are supposed to tell us what India means to them. Over 4000 entries were submitted out of which the top 45 have been selected. Now it is open to the public to decide who is the best doodler.

Online voting is open from 21st of October 2009 to 31st of October 2009. Go cast your vote  for your favorite design.

There’s three categories: 1-3rd, 4-6th, and 7-10th standard. Teeny kids if you ask me, but the designs blew my mind. I am no artist  but damn, these kids are good.

Sample some of my favorites. This one is the creation of Vansh from 1st standard. (Yes, that’s some 5 years old!)

Jai Ho

My doodle depicts few of the endless contributions made by India to the world. India has never invaded any country in the past 10,00 years of history and taught the world non-violence and peace by Gandhiji. Aryabhatta invented zero. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine. 2600 years ago Sushrutha, father of surgery conducted complicated operations. Pythagorean Theorem was first explained by Budhayana. Chess, snakes and ladders, art of navigation, etc originated in India. I wish that someday with my contributions, I’ll be able to occupy a space in somebody’s doodle as a person who contributed for this lovely country.

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This seen in the men’s room of one of those swanky Gurgaon offices.

So who among us has ever tried this? I would like to hear from you.

Most people wont even be fit enough to balance themselves from the slippery, narrow perch high above the ground, me thinks. Not to mention the drop from that height.

Paints a grim picture in my head!

A Stewardess. A Disgruntled Purser. An Angry Pilot. 100 odd Amused Passengers. One Hugely Embarrassed Airline.

The Maharaja witnessed his first in-flight Mughal-e-Azam at 30,000 feet above sea level on Saturday, as two members of the cabin crew—one male and one female—slugged it out with the pilot and co-pilot. [link]

(Click the image to watch a video report)

So the air hostess screwed up in her pre flight announcement. The captain hauled her up for the mistake. The purser (who was apparently a qualified pilot but didn’t get the job) took her side. They all traded blows. The air hostess filed molestation charges against the pilot.

If this flight were a movie, we could say that this was a publicity stunt. The best publicity stunt ever.

There were unconfirmed reports that at one stage the cockpit was unmanned, as the crew was busy fighting outside. Things allegedly degenerated to the point where the captain threatened to divert the plane to Karachi, likening the situation, sources said, to a “hijack”.

And the irony of it all – this drama happened while the plane was flying over our very friendly neighbor to the west.

Ah the joys of flying Air India.

I flew Air India once from New York to Delhi. That was  to be the last time. Leaky roofs don’t really inspire the sort of confidence you are looking for while flying 10 kms above the ground.

National Carrier! National Shame?

All along i kept telling myself that your method of non violence was a silly concept that just delayed Independence.

But today i feel that more than gaining independence it was the discipline that you taught your children that was your greatest gift. You united them all. The Punjabi, the Marathis, the Tamils, Bengalis, men of all castes and religion stood up together as one.

You brought India together.

Come back, dear Mohandas Gandhi.

Come back before your children kill each other in fits of anger. We need your lesson of non violence more than ever today.

So Ram killed Ravana, and everything was good. They were supposed to live happily ever after, but in a twist of fate i have always failed to understand, a pregnant Sita suddenly found her abandoned in the forest.

A few thousand years later, Nina Paley has created a brilliant modern day story about the life of Sita. It’s called Sita Sings the Blues.

Here’s a trailer.

Watch the full movie HERE (There is an option to watch the movie online, as also one to download the entire thing)

Nina derived inspiration from her own story, after her husband broke up with her via email when she was traveling. The movie is entirely Nina’s baby, and took a few years in the making.

The movie has been winning critical acclaim all over the place. It has been released on the internet under a creative commons license, so it is essentially freeware, starting a new movement in the distribution of digital media.

I saw the movie a while back when it aired on PBS back in New York, and was very impressed. I was going to write about it but somehow missed. Better late than never, like Ram once said.

More information about the film on the official site. Try to watch it if you already haven’t.

Happy Dussehra, BTW!

Here’s priceless advice from a jaded veteran. Nine ways to keep your head on the crazy Delhi roads.

Roll in Style. Get a Tank. You will never get stuck in a traffic jam ever again. Look around for an Arjun MBT. The Indian army doesn’t seem to want it, and you might just get a great deal there.

It works three ways. First, people would get intimidated out of your path. Second, you can just fire up your 120mm gola and blow up anybody holding up traffic. Last and most practical way – you can simply go over hapless cars stuck in front.

Try finding another ATV that makes your life so easy.

Of course, you might not be able to meet the speed limit on the road that you just cleared up. (more…)

Ravi Masoor was an ordinary man. After a lifetime of public service as a postmaster, he switched to a career in politics. He did well, and by a quirk of destiny and the complexities of coalition politics he ended up becoming India’s external affairs minister.

Unlike his cabinet colleagues, Masoor declined all official amenities and decided to continue living as a common man. Living an ordinary life would allow him to better empathize with his fellow aam aadmis.

Besides, an austere life would set an example for others in public service. He could not let himself enjoy a life of comfort while his countrymen plodded their way through hardship.

He lived in a tiny MIG flat in Dwarka and drove a Maruti Wagon R to work. The car happened because going to work on his Hero Honda Splendor became too big of a security concern. He had no domestic help (demeaning to fellow Indians), paid his phone/bijli bills himself, and lived a contented life with his wife and three little kids.

The US Secretary of state was on a state visit, and Masoor was scheduled for a meeting with her today. Pakistan had been firing on the border, and there had been increased incidents of intrusion in Kashmir. China on the other front, wasn’t any less busy with its aggressive stance on the border disputes and would routinely shake a diplomatic rifle at India.

India had been pleading with the US for some diplomatic show of support, but things were in a state of statemate stalemate.

Today’s meeting was going to be crucial.

This was peak load shedding season and there had been no power for the last 20 hours. The inverter was long gone. Somehow he spent the night preparing for the big meeting in candlelight. The kids proposed keeping a bucket nearby for the sweat. Evaporation would help cool down the room, they had just learned in school.

Somehow the night passed, and he was ready for work.

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There’s a new song in town.

Not just any song, but a Kylie Minogue song. For a Bollywood flick.

Yes sirs, the same Kylie Minogue who gave us Red blooded Woman and Cant get you out of my head. The same Kylie whose album has stayed on my ipod for a couple years now, when others came and went away.

As excited as i was, the song came across as a bummer. The movie is called Blue, the song is titled, of all titles, Chiggy Wiggy, and the music has been composed by AR Oscar Rehman.

“Three days – that’s all it took,” she revealed. “I presented Rahman the award at the BAFTA, next day we met to discuss the concept of the song and the lyrics, the third day we recorded! [link]

Maybe they should have spent a little more than the three days on the song. It could have been a completely different story, and a much nicer one at that.

It may not be the worst song doing the rounds, but certainly not what you expect from the promising team of Rehman and Minogue. Not when you could buy a few singers for life for what her highness was paid for the song.

A million dollars. That’s about Rs 5 crore!

If Shashi Tharoor’s suite cost $1000 a night, then he could live in five star luxury for three years for that sort of moolah. Not too long back, Roop Ki Rani Choron Ka Raja gained fame as the most expensive movie ever. The total cost of the movie, if i remember correctly, about $2 million.

I mean, if you are spending so much on a song, at least give it a better title than the ridiculous Chiggy Wiggy. And maybe even some lyrics.

As it turns out, the Rs 125 crore movie has gotten too expensive for distributors, and seems to be in a bit of a soup. As reported here, looks like the millions dollar song might even end up getting panned.

Seems like Blue is in for the Blues.

Watch this.

This is the work of trueroots, which is associated with Tata communications.

This from their blog.

Last month my mother came to visit me and insisted on putting a clothesline in my flashy Manhattan apartment. It only makes me smile. Some habits, quirks, whims — we just can’t do without. It’s probably in the air of the subcontinent. But they define us wherever far and wide we may go. [link]

We Indians are an awesome lot. (And i am not even being sarcastic.)

It has been a 100 days since i moved back to India, after spending a fruitful few years in the US. I went to the US back in 2004 as a graduate student, and later spent a few years working on Wall Street, before packing up my bags to come back home.

A few months back in the run up to the Indian general elections, PM Manmohan Singh promised to turn the economy around in 100 days. That hasn’t quite happened yet, but amreekandesi’s 100 days in India haven’t been any less exciting than a Harbhajan Singh driving his Hummer around the streets of Chandigarh.

I am happy.

Happy to be back home. Happy to not be an alien in a foreign land. Happy that i will not miss important events in my family. Happy that i can get my dose of Gulab Jamuns without undertaking that long trek to Jackson Heights.

India is crazy. There is no discipline. There is pollution. There is crime. There is no courtesy.  There is no power, nor water. There are scoundrels for politicians who would sell us all for money if they could. You sweat so much in India.

India has gotten so expensive. It is often said that Indians going to the west would convert all the prices into rupees and get scandalized. Its the reverse for me now. I find myself converting prices into dollars and getting shocked at realizing that a lot of stuff is sold for prices comparable to what you would get in New york.

It’s taken a while to come to grips with this new India. This new India that keeps changing rapidly, for good or for bad only history will tell.

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Just when we thought we were tired of listening to the AR Rehman Oscar winner track from Slumdog Millionaire, we have another winner.

This time, its a group of spanish singers singing the song in full Hindi glory. Makes for some intriguing viewing, an army of singers trying to sing the song in a language they cant speak, with lyrics they don’t understand.

It’s fascinating to see how this song seems to have become such a huge international rage.

Here’s another rendition. Inmates of a Philippines prison dancing in great sync to Jai Ho. Very well choreographed!

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Doctors at a government hospital in Tamil Nadu performed 14 surgeries in 3.5 hours to set a new world record. The doctors videotaped the feat and sent it to the Guinness authorities through the state government.

“We opened four patients at one go. I would open the breast, remove the tumour and nodes and move on to the next patient. My assistant and a post-graduate student would close the wound. When I moved to the fourth patient, the first was ready to be sent to the recovery room and another patient would be wheeled in,” Prasad told reporters.[link]

Outrageous, did you say?

I would certainly have not wanted to be a patient inside that operating room that day. A doctor is held in high esteem as a person who saves people’s lives. When he starts treating his patients as guinea pigs in the quest to set a world record, what do we do?

14 lives at risk for the sake of a silly record?

For some reason we are reminded of Kumar Sanu who recorded a record (ha! pun alert!) 28 songs in a single day back in his day. Wonder what happened to those songs!

The chief minister of Andhra Pradesh died in a helicopter crash this past week. Our heartfelt condolences to his family. It is a sad moment when life suddenly comes to such a tragic and untimely end.

Rest in Peace, Y S Rajashekhara Reddy.

As always, this event got converted into a huge national crisis, and the media went into overdrive with the frenzied zeal that has become synonymous with news coverage these days.

And then they took it up a notch.

At least 60 persons either committed suicide or died of shock after hearing the news of Chief Minister YSR Reddy’s death in a chopper crash.[link]

As much of a charismatic and visionary leader he may have been, it is hard to stomach the fact that grief stricken people are going around committing suicides because of his untimely demise.

We Indians sure are crazy, but this crazy? Somehow, in a state that has seen almost 3000 suicides in the past 5 years this claim rings hollow.

Sample these news reports from the time when YSR was alive and well.

Even as Andhra Pradesh chief minister Y S Rajasekhara Reddy admitted there had been 20 suicides by farmers in the state in the last 40 days, yet another case came to light on Saturday. [link] – 16 Aug 2009

Andhra Pradesh Chief Minister Y S Rajasekhara Reddy today admitted that 2,890 farmers committed suicide in the state since May 2004 when he took over reins for the first time.[link] – 10 June 2009

Why must we attempt to squeeze every ounce of marketing points out of even a tragic event like death? Why must death be made into a complete circus?

Is it a fair assumption that any deaths in the state following YSR’s are out of grief for the fallen leader, or is it just propoganda by overzealous party promoters?

Also read this piece by Sandeep, who points out that YSR may not quite be the god that he is being proclaimed to be.

(Image courtesy: indianexpress)