Dummy’s Guide To Avoid Getting Molested

July 25, 2012

Alright, so we all know of the Guwahati incident. We outraged about and wrote about it and tweeted about it. But did we all derive the right lessons out of the incident and the shamelessness of it all?

Here, let me lay out some foolproof ways to avoid getting molested in modern, lawless India. Read, implement and save yourself the trouble once and forever.

1. Don’t go out. If you do, those lustful men will go after you. Stay home. Watch TV. Tweet. It’s so much fun.

2. Don’t live in a city. Statistics have shown that there are more incidences of crime against women in cities.

3. Don’t live in a village. They have khap panchayats and would kill for honor.

4. Don’t be a woman. Again, statistics have shown that most incidences of sexual crime happen against women. So…

5. Actually, dont be a child as well. Men these days have been known to rape 4,5 year olds. It’s quite ugly.

6. Don’t wear short clothes. Men take that as an invitation.

7. Don’t work. That’s the root cause of all evil.

8. Don’t take the train. If it is crowded, men will try to grope you. Even if it isn’t, they may just molest you and throw you off the train. Why take the risk?

9. Don’t travel by buses. Read above reason.

10. Never get admitted to a hospital. Or if you must, try not sleeping. They won’t even spare pregnant women.

11. Don’t trust the police. It is very risky.

Follow the above rules, and you’ll lead a happy life.

Or, you could just get some training in basics kicks and punches, land one where it hurts and/or get yourself a rampuri knife and cut the testicles off anyone who dares to act smart.

That should also work.

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