In The Government We Trust

The past few weeks have been disturbing. Riots in Assam. A minor riot in Mumbai. A prolonged curfew in Bareilly, and god knows what other small towns. Crackdown on social media. The iPhone 5 has still not been launched. To make it worse, my favorite people have been voted out of Jhalak Dikhla Ja.

It’s like nothing is going right.

What with the end of the world upon us in three months, and still no communication on how to get a wildcard entry to that Chinese super-ship. I have already started watching Ninja Hattori on TV. No wait, that is Japanese. Dammit.

Anyway back to the point. What is going  on? Where is the silver lining? Or did somebody steal it too?

Mumbai, that symbol of modern India burnt for a few days. The gathering of a particular minority-community-that-must-not-be-named in support for violence against their people elsewhere, even out of India. The policemen getting beaten up in the ensuing melee. The burning buses. The dead people. Fractured limbs. Orphaned children. Widowed wives. The shattered amar jawan symbol, perhaps symbolic of the fate of nationalism we are seeing here.

Where is the Indian nation? Where is the Indian citizen? It all seems to be just a region, a religion, a tongue, a caste. Where is the Indian? [No, not referring to hand-pump extractor Sunny Deol]

They say politicians and petty religious leaders spread this propaganda to incite the gullible masses, in a divide-and-conquer policy the British people seem to have taught us rather well. Dear government, please note people say this. I don’t. Please don’t ban this site and/or put me in jail. I hear jails have really bad toilets.

Then what was with the people from the north-east being beaten up in Pune and other cities? Those rumors. The special trains to take them back to their lands. So many conspiracy theories that i have lost count. Weren’t we celebrating Mary Kom till a few weeks ago, and talking about doing stuff for Manipur and other states from the region? Obviously that bronze medal was not enough. The racial epithets are now back. Indian people are being made to leave their homes in India to return to their own  states. I find that strangely depressing. Can’t figure out why.

Perhaps because my teachers taught me as a naive kid that we are a nation with unity in diversity. A nation where everybody lives together in harmony. A nation where we celebrate festivals together, and not just for isolated pictures of a sadhu praying in a mosque on Eid that everybody shares on Facebook and feels happy about. A nation where we are not limited by our regional identities. A nation where we care. And not just for our people.

Of course, as it turned out it was all Pakistan’s doing. They were the only ones responsible for this fiasco, just like all of our other ills. I won’t even dare suspect that local people played a role in all this hatred against each other. Pakistan is the source of all evil. I laud you, dear government of India, for your alacrity in determining that those offending SMSes had originated in that rumor-mongering country.

Which brings us to that second evil beast out to destroy the very fabric of our society. Social media.

I feel proud of the way in which you, our government, dealt with the situation. Bulk SMSes blocked. Youtube videos blocked. Twitter parody accounts blocked. Facebook pages blocked. Well done, you guys. Someone suggested that the people beating up people on the streets dont have access to Twitter and Facebook. I rewarded them with a tight slap. Surely, the good people running our country have reason for taking this step.

I think this is another of our problem. We will not do anything ourselves, and when the good people running ministries try to do it, we bring them down. We are stupid, and cannot recognise good intentions when someone tries to do something. Any child would be able to see how a parody account of our good prime minister could spread all sorts of misinformation that leads to thousands of people overnight packing up their bags and heading to their villages. Completely plausible.

I promise that despite my depressed state, i never worried about the fact that potentially our freedom of speech is being curtailed. Tough times call for drastic measures after all. Look at China. They are doing so well. I think they got about 2 trillion gold medals in the latest Olympics.

Freedom of speech is totally overrated.

While i worry for the state of our nation, i am sure that it is in good hands. Our government under its very able leadership will be able to take us out of the storm. If only they could also do something about getting us the iPhone 5 soon, it would be the icing on the cake.

Dear government, thank you for everything you’ve done for us. I love you. Please don’t ban my website. You are awesome. No seriously.

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Tags: exodus, facebook, GOIBlocks, India, nation, north-east, parody, riots, social media, twitter, Unity in Diversity