It Is No Longer Not My Problem

December 31, 2012

So the rapists ought to be castrated and butchered, ours is a nation of political eunuchs, and RIP The-Lass-Who-Died-Unnamed. And soon Tuesday morning dawns, we make our way to work, 2013 washes over us in the blink of an eye, and life moves on ruthlessly, as do people.

But let us not fault them for it because what gives us hope this time is that our people spoke up against government inefficiencies and societal hypocrisies, and that has made a difference. I have gone from saying “Fuck India” and “I am sorry/ashamed to be Indian” to being proud of all those who braved the tear gas and water cannons, and to questioning myself what we as individuals, whether in India or on foreign shores, can do in our little ways to keep the movement in progress.


I had a moment of epiphany on these lines just last week. It so happened that my partner and I boarded a bus one evening in Singapore - where we live - to find it unusually noisy; a couple was blasting out music at full volume on their mobile phone. We glared at them to express our displeasure before we took our seats by the door, a little ahead of the noisy couple.

“I wish I had “Who let the dogs out?” on my phone,” my partner said. “I would have played that in response.”

“Why?” I demanded to know. “So you could piss them off and end up brawling with them?”

“This is not acceptable behaviour, and someone has to let them know,” my partner reasoned.

“It doesn’t have to be you,” I hissed.

The music grew louder at this point, and we turned back to glare at them. They stared back at us stonily. The man looked unquestionably like a brute, his face unpleasant and mean, his glare callous and menacing.

“He seems to be the trigger-happy sort,” I said to my partner. “Don’t mess with him.”

My partner was not pleased.

Moments later, the twosome trundled past and stationed themselves by the door, right in front of us, the music from their mobile phone sounding more and more cacophonous. As the bus skidded to a halt at the stop, the man scowled at us, spat on the floor of the bus, glowered at us some more before stepping off the bus.

Now if you know anything at all about Singapore, you’d know spitting in public is a sacrilegious thing to do here. “What kind of a bastard was that?” I muttered.

“If you were so upset, you should have told him off,” my partner replied. “It is because people like you keep quiet and choose to ignore these things that people like him do as they please and get away with it.”

It is as simple as that. Looking at the state of affairs in India, and in any troubled society in general, we must be fools to believe that our government would hand us a safe society on a silver platter. Sure enough, stricter laws and regulations would be announced but with no guarantees of effective implementation. Why else are we dealing with dowry deaths in this day and age, half a century after the legislation was enforced? Changes in societal mind-sets will take a couple of generations or even longer to come about.

A safe society is something we now have to earn, create and nurture for ourselves by refusing to tolerate misdeeds of any sort.

If someone gropes you in a crowded bus or train, yell for help. Don’t keep quiet just because you don’t want to create a scene. Keeping mum is passive assent. You may need to do a knee-to-the-groin manoeuvre to get the message across, but don’t let that stop you. Reach out for help. Keep looking until you can find someone willing and able to help.

And you, if you see someone being harassed, don’t be a mute spectator. You can no longer afford to say, “It’s not my problem” and turn a blind eye to the scene or walk away with a shrug. Don’t just slink past. Don’t become a hostile witness. You could very well be the next victim.

Of course, there is a significant element of risk. Risk of bodily harm to you, your partner, your friends, to anyone who dares get involved, either at the hands of goons or the government. But that is the price we are going to have to pay, sooner or later. Our freedom fighters did it all those decades ago; it is our turn now.

Not all of us may want to be front line soldiers. And if bodily combat is not up your alley, there are countless roles to choose from. If you are a blogger, blog about it. Tweet about it. Facebook it. If you are witness to a misdeed, take a photo, post it online. Don’t keep mum. Make a noise. One miscreant caught and condemned is another one discouraged. Create works of art to spread the word. Take those raw emotions and convert them to art like this and this. Volunteer towards social causes - not because the deed will boost your resume but because it is good for the society and for your soul. Or donate; fund those who are willing to help. Do your bit instead of throwing up your hands and saying “What can I do?”

But whatever you choose, keep at it for the long run. Because what ails the society is now your problem too. And there are no quick fixes to this one.

[Guest post by Ann (not her real name), who is as disturbed by the recent events as millions of Indians, and hopes things will get better from here.]

[Image courtesy]

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5 Responses to “ It Is No Longer Not My Problem ”

  1. Narendra Vikram Sing on January 1, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    Unfortunately we Indians are a bunch of nincompoops timid and love to enjoy & make fun at some one else helplessness.The most irritating part is that we are unhappy not because of our own deeds but because some one else is happy.We are jealous of him because he is happy or is doing well hence this could careless attitude.but at the same time we love to gossip & criticize but would not move our little finger when act.
    This protest which still continues has shown us that besides gossiping we can & should act & act decisively.Govt.which was timid has been forced to act atleast they are talking of bringing tough laws but our fight does not end here.We the people must also ensure that these laws must be implemented & strictly enforced.

    The police responsible for enforcing these laws as & when legislated should implemented.Police is the weakest link.There are umpteen case where the Police does not act refuses to lodge a FIR & even making fun of a victim ,letting them off on bail by making the case weak.Why they do so can be imagined & need not be specified in writing

  2. Lyn on January 3, 2013 at 2:46 am

    This absolutely resouns with me. If one wants changes, one has to enforce them - instead of waiting for others to stand the heat. This might be easy to say by a Westerner who didn´t grow up in a patriarchal country, but this is my truth.

    In 2006 I was out in Mumbai with 4 or 5 female friends of mine (Indians). It was dark and we were on our way to the train station, when two men started to follow us and passing rude comments. I turned around - as I always do in situations like that - and glared at the two, asking them, what they wanted. My whole point was to show them that I (we!) won´t succumb to such a behavior, that we are not some objects. Unfortunately my friends thought differently and hurried away pleading me to not make a fuss. We freaking outnumbered them, yet my educated, middle class, “emancipated” friends were running away. It still angers me to think about that incident! Since this is exactly part of what makes people who feed on insecurities and fear strong.

  3. Deepa on January 4, 2013 at 5:34 am

    “A safe society is something we now have to earn, create and nurture for ourselves by refusing to tolerate misdeeds of any sort.” - I couldn’t have said it better. Yes, its our society and we need to make it better. Very well thought of and well written post.

  4. ms on January 18, 2013 at 7:13 am

    been in singapore for so many years and haven’t come across any behaviour on public transport that you have described. loud music on mobile phones, yes. when compared to what routinely goes on in buses in india - pinching, grabbing, painful gropes, swearing - loud music is the least of our problems. we keep falling into the same trap: by bringing up minor faults in other countries, we feel better about the violent crimes in our own country. i don’t care that rapes and murders occur in countries of the world, or that their politicians go to to jail for fraud involving $ 1500. we have a high incident of crimes against females and our politicians commit murder and scams worth hundreds of crores and still hold office. this is what makes me sad, that we have set such low standards for ourselves. it is not enough that every individual must draw the line and take a stand. if you had told off the couple on the bus, at the most they would have called you some names and left it that. do that in india and you may end up dead or worse. because the people know that the law is ineffectual, the cops corrupt and we have no protection from the hooligans. only when citizens know that the law will come down hard on them, will they behave themselves. all those candle-light marches are just tamasha - show- for the media, to have their moment in the limelight. the next day, things are back to normal - raping, molesting goes on as usual.

    • Narendra Vikram Sing on January 18, 2013 at 1:12 pm

      Atleast this time the protests were no Tamasha it was spotaneous .the Govt has been forced to act.Not all cases but those that are getting reported the police is arresting offenders if such police action continues it will instill fear in the mind of those who dare to do such acts but the police must continue to act tough.Arrest is a must in all cases with wide reporting.The most encouraging fact is the women are also picking up courage & have beaten the molesters before handing them to police.

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