Tweet Dear Arnab, I tuned into Times Now yesterday and watched for a total of 23 seconds, which is about as much as I can watch it at a time; after all greatness must be consumed in small doses. During that time I gleaned that your headlines for the day were ‘#ShamedInAustralia’ and ‘Dhoni...
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Tweet Dear Barack, There is a song sung by a famous Pakistani singer which has been immortalized over years of being played on loop in Delhi’s Blue-line buses -‘accha sila diya tune mere pyaar ka, yaar ne hi loot liye ghar yaar ka.‘ (You repayed me well for my love by robbing my own house, you...
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Tweet Dear Musharraf ji, Hope you get well soon. That foot stuck inside your mouth must hurt a lot, though I must say you still look quite fit and fine for someone with your advancing age and these terrible health issues. But you are quite amazing. A day after a heart-breaking tragedy hits your...
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Tweet Modi ji, Modi ji, Modi ji, Last night, as I watched you address the United Nation General Assembly in Hindi, my chest swelled with pride. It was so refreshing to see someone showing respect to our culture and trying to instill a sense of national pride among Indians who suffer from a major colonial...
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Tweet Dear Bilawal ji, Pehle to wish you a very happy birthday. 26! Such a special age. Reminds me too of the time when i was young and stupid, though maybe not this much. As a special gift for your happy day, you are trending on social media and every Indian is talking about you....
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Tweet Dear Mrs Vadra, You are amazing. Just look at you. That nice cotton saree. Glowing complexion. Skin so white that you could be in a Fair and Lovely ad. You’re like Indira ji reborn as a Fab India dressed angel out to save India from evil communal forces. You’ve taken on the big...
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Tweet Dear Advani ji, I don’t know if there is an easy way of saying this to someone so senior, so i’ll just say it upfront. Please let it go. It is not worth it, and you are just going to damage your legacy. Move on. Leave it. Chhodo. Chhade de. [See i even looked...
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Tweet Dear Kejriwal ji, Not too long ago, i risked going against the Supreme Court’s verdict on article 377 by going fully gay for you, the messiah of hope, the man who was to end all corruption in the country. I asked you, RTI activist, Magsaysay award winner, catalyst of a massive anti-corruption movement...
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Tweet Dear Kejriwal ji, You’ve done it. Chief Minister. From a one-man army to being the one who brought down a government of 15 years. Who would have thought! They called you to form a party and fight elections, and you did. And how. I spent a month listening to your radio appeals for...
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Tweet Dear Sirjee, I have bad memory. Almost pathetic at times. Every year i end up getting confused whether the wife’s birthday is on 7th or 8th April. One day i’ll get beaten up, i tell you. I am now thinking of ordering discounted stock of Revital from Amazon. Salman ji has been doing...
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Tweet Dear Shahrukh, Two months ago, i was in your town for my book launch. In Mumbai for a couple of hectic days for the big event. We didn’t have time to go to any of the touristy destinations, but the missus insisted on one place we just had to see. Mannat. Your home....
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Tweet Dear Rahul ji, Boss, you’ve done it. You’ve shown India that there was a reason the world didn’t end last year as predicted by the Mayans - because we had to see your magic before the world meets its maker. I have to tell you a story first. My maid came to me yesterday...
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Tweet Dear Katju sir, Every generation has a rockstar. Our parents had Rajesh Khanna. Our grandparents had Bhagat Singh. Today’s kids have weird Japanese cartoon characters. But my generation, the one of gruelling IIT coaching and campus placements, might have just found its very own hero. You. Your highness. Your awesomeness. Your amazingness. Look at...
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Tweet Dear Mayan people, The world did not end. Thank you for nothing. Actually, thank you for giving us the biggest disappointment since Tushar Kapoor. I mean, what the hell? Do you know the damage your miscalculation has caused us humans? The world will end. The world will end. The world will end. Been hearing this...
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Open letter to Arnab Goswami, editor-in-chief of Times Now, who has been accused in a recent news report of being a vindictive, difficult-to-work-with boss who only cares to provide entertaining news people want to watch, and wouldn't mind ignoring journalistic values in his quest for TRPs.
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